


Erestor of Imladris

by Morgana_avalon



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:20:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: Summary: Erestor and Glorfindel stay with the twins who made the choice to be mortal until their dying day. Standing at their funeral pyre, Erestor makes a startling admission, which leaves Glorfindel completely shocked. Now that the twins have died, Erestor is finally free to admit the truth and mourn the family he never had. Now, the time has come for Erestor to make his own choice.





	Erestor of Imladris

Erestor of Imladris

 

Heartbroken, Glorfindel listened to the soft web of melody and words that Erestor’s magical voice wove around the dying twins, making their passing much more peaceful. Never before had Erestor raised his voice in song like that. Never before had Glorfindel seen such emotion on the dark-haired Elf’s features. Not *once* had he heard such pain in the beautiful voice and it saddened him, that he – a great and fabled warrior – could do nothing to stop this pain, for the twins had made their choices many decades ago. They had chosen mortality, never revealing their reasons for doing so.

 

Maybe Erestor knew, though. Glorfindel had seen the three of them grow close toward the end and he had found comfort in the fact that Erestor had managed to ease their pain.

 

The calming song stopped abruptly and a keening wail left Erestor’s lips. Glorfindel was pulled away from his trance and he quickly moved forward until he could slip his long and strong arms around Erestor’s trembling frame. The dark-haired Elf was kneeling at the twins’ feet, who had snuggled up on a chair together, holding each other tightly. One look at the twins told him that their spirits had gone and that they had left for whatever place Eru Ilúvatar had designated for the souls of Men to dwell.

 

Erestor shook in his arms and the dark-haired Elf released tears of bitter pain. Glorfindel wondered if his friend was even aware of his presence. Rocking Erestor gently, he began to whisper soothingly. He had seen the lights in the twins’ eyes die slowly during these last few days and he had known that death would come quickly for them now, but what he hadn’t foreseen was the effect their deaths would have on Erestor.

 

He cast a quick look at Elrohir’s face. The eyes had closed and a smile, revealing peace of mind, had settled on the features in death. Looking at Elladan, Glorfindel found a similar emotion on the other twin’s face.

 

“They have found peace now,” he whispered into Erestor’s right ear. “Let them go.” His friend, and former Chief Advisor to Elrond, had surprised him these last few years. It had started when Erestor had announced his decision not to sail for Aman, which had shocked Elrond. But the half-Elf had had no choice but to accept Erestor’s decision. Then, Erestor had moved to Minas Tirith, spending many years with Arwen and Estel, whilst Glorfindel had remained with the twins.

 

Erestor had stayed with Arwen long after Estel had died and he had been the one to close her eyes in death. Only then had the dark-haired Elf returned to Imladris to spend every waking moment with the twins, even making Glorfindel feel left out at times. But all that seemed so irrelevant now as they were seated at the twins’ feet. “They made their choices, and they brought them serenity.”

 

But Erestor began to shake harder in his arms, sobbing brokenly, and Glorfindel judged the time had come for him to take charge of this situation. For the first time in his life Erestor needed him to be the strong one now that the raven-haired Elf was overcome with grief. Glorfindel gently slid his arms beneath Erestor’s knees and back and lifted him slowly in his strong arms.

 

“No… No…”

 

Erestor’s pitiful whimpers almost made him reconsider, but in the end, Glorfindel carried him out of the twins’ rooms and headed for his bedroom instead. “They have found peace in death, Erestor. We should not disturb their rest.” Hearing Erestor’s sob almost broke his heart in turn, but knowing Erestor needed him made him push away his own pain so he could be there for his friend.

 

With one hand he pushed down the door handle and carried Erestor into his own rooms. He tenderly deposited his charge on the bed and slid into place behind the weeping Elf. His arms tightly encircled the trembling waist and he pulled Erestor close. “Weep and mourn their passing, though the twins would not want you to. Elrohir and Elladan died the way they wanted; holding each other whilst having us close.”

 

Erestor whimpered softly and that sound brought tears to Glorfindel’s eyes. “Oh, Erestor, we knew this day would come!” Grief overwhelmed him and he released his own tears. Together, they wept and clung to each other.

 

Arwen, Elrohir and Elladan; Elrond’s beautiful children were no more.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ithil stood high in the sky when Glorfindel finally awoke from a dreamless and restless sleep. Erestor was still in his arms and must have wept himself to sleep, exhausting himself. The twins’ demise had shaken them harder than he had expected. The two ancient Elves had had a long time to make peace with the twins’ choices, and he had been under the impression that Erestor had accepted their mortality as well, but maybe he had been wrong.

 

Nuzzling Erestor’s neck, he deeply inhaled the salty scent that surrounded the dark-haired Elf. /I wish I knew how to comfort you properly. But is there even a way to soothe you?/ Pain, regret, and grief demanded their own time and wouldn’t be rushed into healing.

 

These last few decades had been hard on them – Erestor especially. At least Glorfindel had been spared witnessing Arwen and Estel’s demise. But Erestor had been there, had stood at Arwen’s side after her husband had died. It was Erestor who had held Arwen’s hand on her death bed, lending all the support he could to Eldarion, who had openly cried when losing his mother. Erestor had seen more pain and grief than Glorfindel had and the dark-haired Elf had never let them down, had always been there for them to lean on. Now it seemed that Erestor needed a strong shoulder to cry on in turn, and Glorfindel was determined to be there for his friend. Weren’t they alone in Imladris now, still beautiful in her neglected state? Who else was there to offer Erestor comfort? No one, except for him, that was.

 

Glorfindel hummed a lullaby gently, which he had picked up from Erestor himself, who had softly sung it to the children. But never had that voice possessed such an unearthly beauty as it had when singing to the dying twins.

 

As he was facing the window, Glorfindel stared at the star-lit sky. Surprised, he noticed the shower of falling stars, which descended directly onto the Last Homely House. “Maybe it is Eärendil, coming for his grandsons to finally take them home.”

 

“I like that idea,” whispered Erestor, voice uneven with barely concealed emotions.

 

Glorfindel’s eyes widened slightly at hearing Erestor’s voice unexpectedly. “I thought you were still asleep.”

 

“Your voice woke me.” Erestor shifted closer to Glorfindel, relishing the warmth that surrounded him. “It is beautiful.” One star made its way toward them, almost touched the balcony and then exploded with light in front of their window.

 

Glorfindel tucked Erestor’s head firmly beneath his chin and continued the gentle rocking, surprised that Erestor allowed this. “I truly believe they are at peace now, my friend. We should let them go and not cling to their memory.”

 

“But memories are all I have now,” whispered Erestor in obvious pain before closing his eyes and locking out Glorfindel, the stars, and the deaths that had shaken his world. “And I need to cling to them or else I will lose my sanity.”

 

Glorfindel frowned at that but didn’t question Erestor, who was weeping once more, and allowed his friend to mourn the terrible loss. In the meantime, he would be the strong one Erestor could lean on.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

/Glorfindel says they found peace in death, but how can I believe that? I know what motivated their choices and I should have been the one to talk some sense into them. But I did not, knowing they were entitled to make their own decisions. If only I had known back then the pain their choices would bring for me, I might have tried to change their minds./

 

Erestor had awakened just before dawn and now stared at the mirror, which allowed him to catch a glimpse of the rising sun. Arien’s reflections were radiant and seemed to mock the loss he had suffered that night. He had lost them all. Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir were gone now.

 

/What keeps me here now? I should join them in death./ But then Glorfindel was moving about, pulling him closer and the blond’s soft exhale of breath caressed his skin. /He will sail for Aman./ Glorfindel would leave Imladris now that the Peredhil he had helped raise had gone. /I do not want to dwell here alone…/

 

“Erestor? Are you awake?”

 

Glorfindel’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts and Erestor whispered, “Aye, I am awake, but I do not want to be.” Shortly, he would have to face the twins and he would be confronted with the loss again.

 

“I will erect the pyre,” offered Glorfindel, truly believing that Erestor would want to be the one to see to the dead twins this last time. “Will you keep vigil with them until sunset?” The twins would be placed on the pyre then and be freed of their earthly bodies.

 

“I will,” said Erestor, swallowing convulsively. He could do this for the twins.

 

“Turn toward me? Please look at me?”

 

Erestor allowed Glorfindel to slowly roll him onto his back and then onto his right side until he was face to face with the blond. He closed his eyes, as tears threatened to spill from them once more.

 

“You are allowed to mourn,” said Glorfindel, softly. “You need not hide your pain from me, for I share your grief.”

 

/Nay, you do not,/ thought Erestor, saddened. /You cannot possibly know what their deaths mean to me./ But even in this state he understood that Glorfindel was hurting as well and he returned the hug the blond bestowed on him. Glorfindel had been his friend for millennia and he was thankful that the blond was there for him. “Thank you.”

 

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow. “We are both hurting, my friend.”

 

Erestor moistened his lips, feeling nervous. “I ought to leave your bed and sit with the twins,” he swallowed hard, “for this very last time.”

 

“I won’t let you go just yet. Look at me, Erestor, open your eyes. There is no reason to lock me out.”

 

Erestor’s eyes fluttered open and fastened on Glorfindel’s cerulean ones, clearly seeing pain and hurt there. They were already hurting and he was only making it worse by shutting the blond out. /But he does not understand my pain!/ And how could Glorfindel? The blond didn’t know the truth – only Erestor did... and Celebrían. “I can deal with this,” he said, finally realizing what his friend needed to hear. “I can do this for them – for you.” Unexpectedly, Glorfindel’s lips brushed his brow and Erestor’s breath caught at the sweet sensation, which seemed so undeserved, so out of place in the midst of his grief.

 

“I will join you after I finish their pyre,” said Glorfindel, reassuringly. “You are not alone in this. We shall support each other.”

 

Erestor nodded once, no longer seeking to avoid eye contact. They would be there for each other in their darkest hour.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor worked in silence. He had undressed Elrohir, bathed him, and dressed him again in his finest robes. Tenderly, he had combed and braided the twin’s hair. His self-discipline had kept him going, but when he pulled Elladan toward him, the façade shattered and tears appeared in his eyes. His lips moved instinctively, singing the lullaby Glorfindel had hummed that night. He still recalled with startling vividness singing it to the twins, and later to Arwen. They had been such sweet babies and had always fallen asleep during that lullaby.

 

Now the three half-Elves slept their eternal slumber of death and were beyond his reach. He had lost Arwen first, beautiful and strong Arwen, who had given up her immortality to be with the love of her life. And although Estel had lived long, mortality had claimed him in the end, leaving her behind in sorrow and pain. He had stayed at her side – and her son’s – and had done his best to comfort them. But Arwen’s heart had been broken and never healed again. She had died shortly after her husband, leaving Eldarion alone.

 

/She was still so beautiful to my eyes, even grown old with age, but then again, she always was. She died much too young. She should have sailed with Elrond to Aman, but her love for Estel was too strong./ In the early days of Arwen and Estel’s love he had cursed the Dunedain for winning her heart, but even he’d had to admit defeat when they wed in Minas Tirith. And yes, her life had been happy after she had made her choice. But her death had been heart-wrenchingly bitter.

 

And now he was attending to the twins – in their death. Tears continued to leak from his eyes as he took care of Elladan, bathing him and dressing him in his favorite robes. He placed them on the bed and arranged their arms so they were holding each other. Oh, their lives had been tragic ones! More tragic than even Elrond knew! Hugging his waist, he shook with sobs, allowing his anguish a way out.

 

“Erestor?” Glorfindel had silently entered the room, not wanting to disturb Erestor, but seeing the dark-haired Elf’s pain made him reach out and he folded his arms around the other Elf’s waist. A lump of fierce emotions formed in his throat as he looked at the twins now. “They merely seem asleep, holding each other as they did in their living days.”

 

Erestor stared hard at the twins, blaming himself for their deaths. “I should have done something! I should have talked to them! Should have been able to change their minds!”

 

Glorfindel immediately soothed him. “This was their choice, never yours.”

 

Erestor shook his head, firmly. “You do not understand! How could you! You do not know…”

 

“I do not know *what*?” Glorfindel tried to catch a glimpse of Erestor’s face, but the other Elf hid behind a curtain of raven hair.

 

“Did you finish building their pyre?” asked Erestor in a choked voice. He didn’t want to see them burn! But this was their way!

 

“I did… and the sun is setting. We should move them now.” Glorfindel no longer tried to hold back his tears, letting them flow freely. “Which twin do you want to carry?” Erestor finally looked at him with an unspeakable pain in the brown eyes. “Erestor?”

 

“I will carry Elladan, as he was the first born of the two.” Erestor gently disentangled the twins’ arms and pulled Elladan close to his chest. The twin was surprisingly light in his arms. Calling upon his inner strength, he left the room and descended the stairs, softly mumbling words of comfort to the dead twin.

 

Glorfindel gently lifted Elrohir in his arms, remembering a time when he had carried the twin to his cradle, delighted at finding the baby’s tiny hands reaching for one of his fingers. That had happened a lifetime ago. Why? Why had they chosen mortality?

 

It took every ounce of his self-discipline to follow Erestor down the stairs and into the courtyard. Arien was about to set and Ithil was already climbing the darkening sky. The pyre in the middle of the courtyard awaited the dead.

 

Erestor climbed the pyre first and placed Elladan on the branches. “Farewell, my sweet one. May Eru Ilúvatar watch over you. You made me proud in life, but you broke my heart in death. May your death bring you redemption and understanding. I loved you so much.”

 

Hearing those words surprised Glorfindel, but he didn’t remark on them, placing Elrohir next to Elladan. He then stepped back, instinctively knowing Erestor needed this personal space to say his final goodbyes. His heart thundered with pain, seeing Erestor move the twins closer to each other until they rested in each other’s arms.

 

“Goodbye, my lovely Elrohir. I loved you and your siblings with my entire being, and having to say goodbye to you is killing me. I already feel dead inside. It won’t be long before I will join you.”

 

Erestor’s words startled Glorfindel and alarmed him. Did Erestor plan on taking his own life? He had to act now! Stepping up closer to Erestor, he folded an arm around the dark-haired Elf. “Come with me.” He began guiding Erestor down the pyre, but the other Elf struggled and managed to break free. Afraid for Erestor’s sanity, he followed his friend, but stopped dead in his tracks, seeing Erestor kneel and kiss the twins’ brows.

 

“Goodbye, my sons…”

 

Glorfindel’s confusion mounted, but this was not the time to explore this matter and he gently, but firmly, pulled Erestor back to his feet and guided his friend away from the pyre. Erestor remained silent, and Glorfindel reacted to that by tightening his hold on his friend.

 

Standing at the foot of the pyre, Glorfindel reached for the burning torch, somehow sensing that it should be Erestor lighting the funeral pyre. Soft, swimming, brown eyes met his when Erestor accepted the torch.

 

“I do not want to see them burn,” whispered Erestor, waveringly. “They are beautiful, even in death.”

 

“Set them free, Erestor. Let them go.” Wrapping his fingers around the ones holding the torch, he guided the fire closer toward the pyre until the first branches caught fire. Erestor unexpectedly collapsed against him and the torch slipped from the shaky fingers. Glorfindel quickly placed the torch aside where it couldn’t do any harm and went down on his knees beside Erestor, who was shaking himself to pieces. Folding strong arms around the hurting Elf, he lent his friend all the strength Erestor needed.

 

Erestor lifted swimming eyes and watched the twins burn. Watched the flames devour their bodies until only ashes remained. “I cannot believe they are gone.”

 

“Neither can I,” admitted Glorfindel in a raw voice.

 

Erestor’s grief overwhelmed him and he screamed his pain into the dark night. The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was Glorfindel’s arms catching him, and that golden voice trying to calm him. Then, only darkness remained.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

# Tiny, chubby feet trampled on his stomach, whilst eager, little fingers reached for a lock of his hair. Erestor smiled, brilliantly, and caught Elladan when the baby lost his balance and tumbled toward him. “He ought to become a scholar,” he said teasingly, “he lacks proper balance!”

 

“He is only a baby,” replied Glorfindel, good-naturedly. He made funny faces at Elrohir, who was chasing the end of his belt with his short fingers. The fabric eluded him and Elrohir’s eyes widened, alarming the blond. “Erestor, quickly! Help!”

 

Erestor immediately spotted the danger, grabbed Elrohir’s favorite stuffed animal, which happened to be a turtle, and quickly pushed it into the baby’s arms. Elrohir never got a chance to squeal his displeasure at failing to capture the end of the belt and wrapped his arms around the sea turtle instead.

 

“Thank you,” said Glorfindel, sighing in relief. Elrohir was only four years old, but already well- known for his temper tantrums. He prayed to the Valar that these tantrums would disappear in time. “How did we get stuck watching them in the first place? Remind me?”

 

“It is Elrond’s begetting day,” replied Erestor, amused to see Elladan trying to get to his feet again and he steadied the baby, who was learning to take his first steps these days. “And Celebrían wanted to spend some time with her husband.”

 

Glorfindel nodded and concentrated on his charge again. “I had almost given up hope that she would conceive, you know.” Elrond and Celebrían had been trying for decades, and yet her womb had remained empty. In the end, Glorfindel had been afraid that his dear friends would remain childless, but then Celebrían had come running to them one day, announcing her pregnancy. She had been radiant with happiness and fulfillment. Elrond had pronounced she had made him the happiest Elf alive and had declared his love once more.

 

Erestor managed to hide his own fierce emotions and pretended not to have heard. “The twins are adorable. How can you mind watching them?”

 

“Hum…This one is drooling on my tunic.” Glorfindel pointed a warning finger at Elrohir. “Stop drooling on me. Drool on your turtle instead.” But Elrohir had different ideas and began to climb Glorfindel’s leg, heading toward the blond’s knee. Once he had attained his goal, he chirped and swung his sea turtle at Glorfindel.

 

“Now that one *does* have the makings of a warrior,” chuckled Erestor, delighted when Glorfindel had to duck in order not to be hit. “Truly excellent aim!”

 

Glorfindel grumbled his displeasure. “Let us hope Elrond and Celebrían are not planning to have more children. These two are already a handful!” Erestor’s gaze darkened briefly, which puzzled Glorfindel, but he attributed Erestor’s reaction to the many sleepless nights they had suffered as the twins tended to be active at night as well. On those nights, Elrond and Celebrían would call on them to help. Erestor more often than Glorfindel.

 

“I hope so as well,” whispered Erestor, barely audible. His heart felt heavy, but the burden lifted momentarily as Elladan stumbled over his own two feet. The baby reached for him and managed to wrap his short arms around his neck in an awkward hug. “I love you too,” whispered Erestor, noticing his words drew a chuckle from Glorfindel.

 

“Definitely a future scholar!” remarked Glorfindel, teasingly, just before noticing Elrohir was still drooling on his tunic. “Oh no!” #

 

“Erestor? Erestor? I am sorry to wake you, but…”

 

Glorfindel’s voice, raw with sorrow, pulled Erestor from his happy dream and his eyes blinked with loss, realizing he would never hold any of the children in his arms again.

 

“I took you back to my rooms after you fainted,” explained Glorfindel, carefully monitoring Erestor’s reactions, which seemed sluggish and slow at best.

 

Erestor pushed himself up onto his elbows and then rested his back against the pillows, which Glorfindel had placed against the headboard. Aye, he was in the blond’s rooms again, safely tucked beneath a warm blanket. Glorfindel sat on the side of the bed with a worrisome expression in his eyes. “What happened?”

 

Glorfindel delicately licked his lips, hoping Erestor hadn’t forgotten. “The twins…”

 

Erestor’s eyes closed hastily, hoping to conceal his raging emotions from his friend. He turned his face away from Glorfindel and wished he was dead as well.

 

“Your reactions worry me,” confessed Glorfindel, moving closer to his charge. “My heart bleeds for them, but you seem affected on a deeper level.”

 

/How very true,/ thought Erestor, /if only you knew…/ But Glorfindel didn’t.

 

“Is there anything I can do to ease your pain?” Glorfindel recalled Erestor calling the twins ‘my sons’ and he was curious to find out why the other Elf had done that, but doubted this was the right moment to question his friend.

 

“Nay, but thank you for your kind offer.” Erestor forced his eyes open and looked at Glorfindel. “Would you leave me alone now? I would like to mourn them privately.”

 

Glorfindel softly bit his bottom lip in frustration. “Are you certain you want to be alone?”

 

“Aye, I am… Please, Glorfindel.” Erestor was about to cave in and he didn’t want Glorfindel to witness his emotional breakdown. The warrior had his own pain to deal with and didn’t need more misery added to his burden.

 

“I will take my leave then,” announced Glorfindel. “But… I want you to know that you can come to me if you need company.” He was about to rise from the bed, when he stalled for a moment, pulling something into Erestor’s view.

 

Erestor’s heart almost burst seeing the sea turtle, which had been Elrohir’s favorite toy during his childhood. Glorfindel’s big hands tenderly rubbed the fabric and Erestor reached for it, frantically taking hold of those hands and pulling them toward him.

 

Glorfindel reacted instinctively; he inched closer to Erestor, pressed the stuffed animal into his friends’ hands and then wrapped his arms around the raven-haired Elf. Erestor no longer requested that he leave and he was content holding and rocking the crying Elf. /I do not understand why you are hurting in this way, but I will find out./

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel was forced to leave briefly to make certain that the fire had died. The pyre was now nothing but ashes, a sad reminder of what had happened there only a few hours ago. Erestor and he were truly alone now.

 

/I already miss them./ Elrohir and Elladan had become a part of them during these last few decades. The twins had become more immobile over the years, old age making their bones brittle, and they had taken to snuggling up to each other in the Hall of Fire in front of the luxurious fireplace that spoke of happier times. Their once-raven hair had turned gray with locks of pure white and their once-perfect faces had born wrinkles, deep lines etched onto their brows. At times, Glorfindel had been thankful that Elrond had left for Aman, not having to bear this burden as well. Watching the twins grow old had been hard on him – and on Erestor as well.

 

But once the twins had made their choices, there had been no way back. When Elrond had asked him to stay with Elladan and Elrohir until after their deaths, he had said yes, honored that his friend would pick him to watch over his children.

 

Glorfindel’s shoulders slumped, recalling the defeated expression on Elrond’s face the day the Elf-Lord had said his goodbyes to his sons. He had already said goodbye to Arwen in Minas Tirith, but what had really broken the Elf-Lord had been leaving his sons -- his heirs -- behind as well. Elrond had been emotionally devastated upon his departure to the Havens.

 

And now only Erestor and he remained. What would become of them? /We should obtain a boat and sail for Aman./ They would always be welcome there and maybe their hurts would heal in the Undying Lands. Aye, he would suggest sailing for Aman to Erestor the next time they spoke.

 

Erestor… The twins’ deaths had affected the raven-haired Elf much more deeply than he had expected. But then again, they had known Elrond’s children from the moment they had been born. No, even before that, as Celebrían had allowed them to feel the twins kick. Now that Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir were gone, Glorfindel felt ancient – felt like he had lived too long and had seen too much. Maybe there was some sort of comfort in death, but he didn’t want that kind of comfort.

 

/Oh, Erestor, please accept that I am here for you…/

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had moved to one of the chairs in front of the window and had taken to staring outside. The first flakes of snow descended onto the valley, announcing an early winter. When Elrond had still resided here winter had always been brief, but since Vilya no longer protected Imladris the winters had become much colder, longer and harder. /But this will be the last winter I will witness./

 

Although he didn’t feel the cold – yet – he had snuggled up beneath a warm blanket made of furs, which he had found at the foot of Glorfindel’s bed. For a moment he had contemplated returning to his own rooms, but had then dismissed that idea. He could be miserable here as well.

 

He was grateful that Glorfindel had left, giving him a moment of privacy. Beneath the blanket, he hugged Elrohir’s sea turtle close, wishing he knew of a way to travel back in time and to hold the Elfling once more. His head rested against the comfort of the chair and he stared at the white layer of snow now slowly covering Imladris. He had been happy here – relatively happy.

 

“You do not look well,” said Glorfindel upon entering his chambers. He advanced on his friend and pulled a chair close so he could sit beside Erestor. “Why do you not share your burden with me?”

 

“You have no idea what you are asking for,” replied Erestor in a saddened voice.

 

“Then enlighten me.” Glorfindel moved closer still until he could look into Erestor’s eyes, which were hooded with sadness. “It is just the two of us here. There is no one else you can turn to for comfort and I want to be there for you.”

 

Erestor smiled, sorrowfully. “You always were my best friend, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel blushed, weakly. “Then honor our friendship, Erestor. Do not lock me out. I am hurting too. They were like sons to me.” Glorfindel noticed the way Erestor’s eyes darkened and how pale his friend became at hearing those words. “I mean it. I loved them. All three of them!”

 

“I know you did,” whispered Erestor, remembering much happier times.

 

# “Step out of Arwen’s dress this instant!” Glorfindel was at his wit’s end. “Why would you want to wear your sister’s dress in the first place?” Shaking his head, he stared at Elladan, who had somehow succeeded in slipping into Arwen’s dress, which was way too small for him. To make things even worse, Elladan had also managed to fall headfirst into the Bruinen and was now dragging the fabric behind him.

 

Elladan pleadingly looked at his tutor. “Elrohir dared me!”

 

“You should know better than to let your brother trick you into doing these things!” A few days ago Elrohir had dared Elladan to put knots into their father’s hair whilst Elrond had been asleep. Upon wakening, the Elf-Lord had found his hair tied to the bed post. Elrond had not been amused, but Celebrían had calmed him.

 

“But…” Elladan shuffled his feet nervously and then sneezed – hard.

 

Glorfindel threw his arms toward the heavens. “By the Valar, do not tell me you caught a cold!” He recalled one time when Elrond had had one. The half-Elf’s temper had flared and everyone had avoided dealing with the Elf-Lord until the fever had gone down. “Really, you should know better than…” Glorfindel didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as a worried-looking Erestor dashed into the corridor.

 

“Did he sneeze? Does he have a cold? Glorfindel! Why is he still in those wet clothes?” Erestor pointed a finger at the blond. “Do I have to remind you of how much we suffered when Elrond contracted that cold? Do you want history to repeat itself?”

 

“Then you take care of him!” Glorfindel pushed the wet, still dripping Elfling toward the Chief Advisor.

 

“I will! And I want you to keep Elrond and Elrohir at a safe distance. Make certain that they do not come near Elladan!”

 

Glorfindel glared at Erestor. “It was your turn to watch them!”

 

“I was watching Elrohir! I had no idea Elladan was up to something. And why am I still talking to you? I should be taking care of this one instead! Elladan, come with me.” He took hold of the Elfling’s shaky hand, and as he looked at Elladan’s face, misery was written all over it. “First we need to get you out of those clothes and into a warm bed. You will stay with me for now.” After giving Glorfindel a last, stinging glare, he scooped the Elfling up in his arms and carried Elladan to his rooms.

 

Glorfindel burst out laughing, but then sobered, wishing Erestor the best of luck tending to Elladan whilst the little one was fighting his first cold. And then there was Elrohir, who needed to learn that he couldn’t manipulate his twin like that. #

 

“I know you loved all three of them. You loved them enough to lecture them when it was necessary,” said Erestor, fondly.

 

“Well, Elrond was prejudiced where his offspring were concerned,” admitted Glorfindel, grinning cheekily. “All three of them could easily wrap their father around their little fingers. Elrond adored them.”

 

“Do you remember that time when Elrohir dared Elladan to wear one of Arwen’s dresses? You lectured Elrohir, whilst Elrond merely worried about Elladan’s health.” Erestor smiled, dotingly.

 

“The children enriched our lives,” said Glorfindel eventually, his right hand snaking beneath the furs in search of a counterpart. A weak smile surfaced on his face, encountering the sea turtle. “That always was Elrohir’s favorite toy.”

 

Erestor nodded. “It was a good way of keeping him calm and happy.” Elladan had never cared much for toys and had followed Glorfindel around the moment the Elfling could walk unaided. He had also been the first to ride a horse – with Glorfindel holding him tightly, of course. “And now they are gone from Arda.”

 

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” said Glorfindel, reckoning the moment had come to address their future. “We need to find a boat that can take us to Aman now that our time here has come to an end.” To his surprise, Erestor firmly shook his head. “What?”

 

“I am not leaving for the Undying Lands. I wish to stay here.” Determinedly, Erestor met Glorfindel’s eyes. “My time has come, but you… You should sail for Aman and join Elrond and Celebrían.” He could never sail for Aman, but couldn’t divulge the real reason for that to the blond. “I will stay here.”

 

Glorfindel’s eyes widened drastically. “But… But you will be all alone here! Why would you choose that fate?”

 

Holding onto the stuffed animal in his arms, Erestor managed a weak smile. “I have nothing left to live for now that they are gone.”

 

“But…” Glorfindel stammered, too shocked to form coherent sentences.

 

“I will stay here and fade.” Erestor smiled, warmly. “I have lived long enough, Glorfindel. It should end here.”

 

“Why?” Glorfindel’s mouth had gone awfully dry. “We have been friends for millennia and I thought I knew you!”

 

“You do not know me at all, Glorfindel,” admitted Erestor, saddened. “And it is best that way.”

 

“I cannot accept your answer, Erestor. You are obviously not thinking logically and are still affected by the twins’ deaths so I will take charge and act on your behalf. When I find that ship, you *will* sail with me. I refuse to leave you behind here to fade!”

 

“To die, actually,” said Erestor, correcting himself, “I won’t fade. I will die a mortal death.”

 

Glorfindel stared at his friend in shock. “What? But?”

 

“You never knew I was half-Elven, did you?” A sad smile appeared on Erestor’s face. “Aye, I am half-Elven, and I postponed my choice long enough. It is time I reached a decision.”

 

“Half-Elven? But…” This didn’t make any sense! Recalling the time when Elladan had contracted that cold, he said. “But you… You never caught that chill!”

 

“I did, but you never knew as I locked Elladan and myself up in my room for a week. We recovered and then emerged again.” Erestor smiled, lost in happy memories. “I had him to myself for one week, and it did not matter to me that we were coughing our lungs out.”

 

“This makes no sense!” Glorfindel rose and pushed back his chair. “Erestor…” A growl lay hidden beneath the begging tone in his voice.

 

But Erestor realized he had already revealed too much. He had to be careful now. “Glorfindel, sail for Aman and tell Elrond and Celebrían that the children died, peacefully, and leave me here.”

 

“Nay! I won’t do that! Never!” Glorfindel angrily marched toward the doorway. He needed to put some distance between them as he was seriously tempted to shake some sense into the other Elf. “You won’t stay behind!”

 

Erestor’s eyes shone with compassion and understanding, recalling his own reaction upon hearing the twins’ decision to become mortal. He had raged as well, had denied hearing the words and had stormed out of the room. “I am half-Elven, Glorfindel, and I choose to be mortal. I will never sail for Aman. I will join them in death.”

 

Glorfindel was about to spin around and talk some sense into the other Elf, but then he saw the pain and anguish in the brown eyes. And seeing that made him change his mind. He would handle things diplomatically, allowing Erestor to believe he had succeeded in convincing him. But when the time was right, he would act. “We will discuss this later.”

 

“Glorfindel, this is not up for discussion. I made up my mind and you will have to accept that.” The sapphire eyes suddenly burned with an unholy fire, which made Erestor push back in his chair, squirming.

 

“Are you telling me that I will be called upon to set fire to your remains as well? Isn’t it enough that I lost Arwen? The twins? And now you are telling me that I have to go through that whole process of loss and pain again and watch you die? Nay! Never! I have had enough!”

 

Glorfindel forgot about handling this in a diplomatic way and exploded with emotion. He stalked back over to Erestor, placed his hands on either side of the trembling Elf on the armrest, and yelled, “I am *not* going to lose you too! I do not care if you are half-Elven, and why you chose to hide that fact from me your entire life! You will not choose mortality and you will sail with me! Do you understand? I cannot lose you too! Don’t you know I love you?” Tears erupted from his burning eyes and he went down on his knees in front of Erestor, who stared at him in obvious shock. “Please do not make me watch you die.”

 

Erestor had expected a whole range of emotions and reactions, but not quite these. Freeing one hand from the blanket, he placed it on Glorfindel’s head and stroked the golden hair. A moment later, Glorfindel inched closer and rested his head in Erestor’s lap, practically begging for the caress to continue and Erestor obliged him. “I am sorry if I have hurt you, but you must understand. I cannot stay here when they are all dead.”

 

“Then come to Aman with me! We do not have to stay here!” Glorfindel slowly turned his face toward Erestor, looking up, trustingly. “Please.”

 

But Erestor shook his head. “I can never sail for Aman, Glorfindel.”

 

“Why?” Glorfindel relished feeling Erestor’s fingers moving through his hair. “Why can you not sail? What keeps you here then?”

 

“Nothing keeps me here,” whispered Erestor, wondering why he was opening up to Glorfindel when he had already revealed too much. “But I can never face Elrond and Celebrían again.”

 

Glorfindel raised his head and captured Erestor’s hand in his, rubbing the knuckles. “Why is that? And why did you keep the fact that you are half-Elven from me?”

 

Erestor sighed, deeply, realizing Glorfindel deserved to know the truth. “Do you really want to know the answers to those questions? Even if some of them will cause you to look at me in disgust?”

 

“Disgust?” Frowning, Glorfindel shook his head. “I will never look upon you in disgust.”

 

Glorfindel’s earlier admission now returned to Erestor. “Because you love me?”

 

“Aye, because I love you.” Glorfindel suckled his bottom lip. It hadn’t been his intention for Erestor to find out, knowing the dark-haired Elf didn’t love him back.

 

“I never knew you did,” said Erestor, musing. Surprised, he found that their fingers had twined and that Glorfindel’s hold on him was becoming stronger. “Go to the kitchens, fetch some wine and return here. I will tell you everything you want to know and then you will let me go. You will allow me to make my choice.”

 

“I cannot promise you that I will do that. I do not want to live without you.”

 

Erestor, ruefully, said, “You will have changed your mind once you know everything. Now go and fetch wine.” Seeing Glorfindel’s sudden worried expression, he added, “I vow to still be here upon your return. I won’t run.”

 

Glorfindel slowly got to his feet, still reluctant to release Erestor’s hand. “I know you are an Elf of honor and that you will be true to your word. I will return here within minutes.” Eager to learn more of the one he loved, Glorfindel raced for the kitchens.

 

Now that the blond was gone, Erestor closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. What had possessed him to agree to this? He didn’t want to see disgust aimed at him in Glorfindel’s azure eyes, but the blond deserved to know why he had chosen mortality, no matter how much pain telling his tale would bring him. He would join his children in death shortly at any rate.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel was pleasantly surprised upon his return to his rooms. He had expected Erestor to be still huddled beneath the blanket, but the dark-haired Elf had left his chair and had built a fire in the fireplace. He had also moved pillows and the blanket of fur and had made himself comfortable. His eyes were still red-rimmed though and his body shook with emotion.

 

Glorfindel placed the carafe with wine on the floor, poured their glasses and handed one to Erestor before sitting down next to the other Elf. /Nay, half-Elf,/ he thought, correcting himself. It was strange to think of Erestor as half-Elven.

 

Erestor accepted the wine and sipped slowly. The liquid warmed him from the inside and his trembling lessened significantly. “Thank you, I needed that.”

 

Glorfindel sipped his own wine and continued to study Erestor. “Who are you?” He had never pried on Erestor’s heritage before but now he found himself wondering.

 

Erestor smiled, sorrowfully, at Glorfindel. “My father’s name was Beren and my mother Lúthien. I daresay you know those names.”

 

“They are legendary!” Glorfindel sat up straight, searching Erestor’s eyes. “But I never knew they had a second child! I only knew of Dior!” Why had he never inquired after Erestor’s parents before? But then again, the dark-haired half-Elf had never volunteered any information either.

 

“Dior was my elder brother,” admitted Erestor, staring into the dancing flames as his mind traveled back in time. “I was born thirty-five years after Dior’s birth, in the same year that my father died.” Erestor’s eyes took on a distant expression. “I never knew my father, Glorfindel. I never knew Beren.”

 

Glorfindel swallowed hard in order to rid himself of his emotions. “I am sorry.”

 

But Erestor forced himself to continue and not to give into his emotions. “My mother died a few days after giving birth to me. My grandmother, Melian, came for me and told me that my mother would have loved me, had her mind not been lost to insanity with grief for her dead husband. Melian took me to live with Dior in Tol Galen. It was decided to keep my identity a secret to everyone except my close relatives. Fëanor’s sons were already searching for the Silmaril and they didn’t want to expose me to that threat. I grew up in Lanthir Lamar and was relatively happy there. I missed my parents terribly, but my brother, his wife and my grandmother loved me instead.”

 

Glorfindel didn’t want to interrupt, but had to know. “Did you ever set eyes on the Silmaril?”

 

“Aye, I did. It was magnificent,” replied Erestor, smiling sadly, “but I would have rather set eyes on my parents just once.”

 

“So that is why you are half-Elven. I never knew – never suspected…” Glorfindel poured them more wine – and the Valar knew they needed it to pull them through this conversation. “What happened next?”

 

“We traveled to Doriath and the Thousand Caves, where Dior re-established the Kingdom for a while. But then my grandmother decided to sail for Valinor and Doriath lost its protection. The sons of Fëanor found out and attacked. In the end, my brother died, but he took Celegorm, Curufin and Caranthir with him.” Erestor’s eyes darkened with memories. “We also lost Elured and Elurin that fateful day… They were only six years old when the sons of Fëanor attacked… I never saw them again.” Erestor sat upright, placed the wine glass aside, pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around his legs. “I lost my family that day.”

 

Glorfindel reached out and stroked Erestor’s raven hair away from the pale face so he could look into the swimming eyes. “I am so sorry… I never knew…”

 

”I never told you… The only ones who knew the truth were Elrond and Celebrían.” Erestor closed his eyes and savored feeling Glorfindel’s fingers move through his hair. It was a gentle and reassuring caress. “I need to finish this whilst I still have the courage.”

 

“Then go on.” At the same time, Glorfindel scooted closer until he was near enough to enfold Erestor in an embrace, and pulled the willing half-Elf against him.

 

“I was smuggled to the Isle of Balar where I remained for quite some time. Almost two centuries passed by and I saw Gil-galad gather his warriors there and prepare for the upcoming war. That is also where I met Elrond and Elros. I knew of Elwing’s tragic fate and I also knew her sons had survived, but I had never thought I would actually meet them. Elros, however, did not stay for long, but Elrond remained and friendship formed between us. It seemed I had finally found my place in life and I fought alongside Gil-galad and Elrond. I saw Sauron destroy the High-King and after the war I followed Elrond to Imladris.”

 

“You are much older than I thought,” admitted Glorfindel, surprised. Nuzzling Erestor’s hair, he said, “Why did you never mention any of this to me before?”

 

“Why should I?” Erestor couldn’t help it and leaned heavily against Glorfindel for support.

 

“And why would I loathe you? Nothing you told me gives me reason to look upon you in disgust.”

 

“That is because you only know half of my tale.” Erestor suddenly tried to free himself of Glorfindel’s embrace, but the blond warrior wouldn’t let him. “That was the easy part to tell.”

 

“Trust me, nothing you tell me will make me loathe you.” Glorfindel loosened his hold just enough to pour Erestor wine and to hand him the glass. “Sip, it will give you strength and courage, which you obviously need.”

 

“Is it that obvious?” Erestor began to tremble again and the wine almost sloshed over the rim. He quickly emptied the glass, wondering why he was even considering confiding in Glorfindel. “I should not tell you this. I swore an oath that I never would.”

 

“And who demanded that oath?” Glorfindel placed the glass back on the floor, before it could drop from Erestor’s unsteady fingers. 

 

“Celebrían did.”

 

That was an answer Glorfindel never expected. “Celebrían demanded an oath from you?” What could she possible want to keep secret? Erestor pulled away from him, breaking the embrace he had so carefully built.

 

“She came to me one night,” started Erestor in a heavy, clouded voice. “She was distressed because she had failed to conceive. She told me it was their greatest desire to have children, a boy and a girl, but despite their efforts she remained barren.”

 

A sense of foreboding swept through Glorfindel. “What did she want from you?”

 

“She wanted me to bed her,” whispered Erestor. “Just once, to see if it was Elrond or she who was unable to produce children.”

 

Glorfindel’s eyes narrowed; he had suspected as much. “What did you tell her?”

 

“You must understand, Glorfindel,” said Erestor, lifting pleading eyes to meet Glorfindel’s, “she was in tears and threw herself on her knees. There was nothing Elrond and she wanted more than children. How could I deny her?”

 

“Why did she come to *you*?”

 

“She knew I was half-Elven.” Erestor closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees. “Our children would be half-Elven too and Elrond would never know what we had done.”

 

“Elrond never knew?” Indignant, Glorfindel glared at the cowering Elf beside him.

 

“She swore me to secrecy as she did not want Elrond to know it was his fault that they could not have any children. She wanted to spare his feelings. Elrond wanted children --heirs -- desperately and she did not want him to know he had not fathered them in the first place. In the beginning I pleaded with her to tell him, but after the twins were born, I realized she was right. Each time that I looked into Elrond’s eyes I saw contentment in them, bliss even, because he was holding *his* children.”

 

“But they were not his,” said Glorfindel, correcting Erestor in a neutral voice.

 

“You are right, of course,” said Erestor, who shrunk into himself at seeing Glorfindel’s disapproving glare. “But it seemed the best way at the time. Celebrían and Elrond were happy, the twins were much loved and I had the chance to see my sons grow up and even more, I helped raise them.”

 

But Glorfindel’s glare hardened. “And what about Arwen? Did you sire her as well?”

 

Erestor nodded, weakly. “Celebrían knew Elrond wanted a daughter as well and she came to me again. I did not want to give in, but she cried hard and long and in the end, I gave her what she wanted. There never was any love between us, Glorfindel. I felt like I fulfilled a duty, nothing more, nothing less.”

 

“And that is why you cannot sail for Aman?” This was the one piece of the puzzle he couldn’t get to fit.

 

“Celebrían told Elrond doubtlessly. He probably knows by now that his children were not his, but mine. And even if she did not tell him, how can I stand before them, telling them that all three of them are dead? I failed them. I failed Celebrían and Elrond, and my children. I failed at keeping them alive.”

 

Glorfindel wasn’t certain what to think of this. He wanted to be angry with Erestor, but at the same time the loss of the twins was still fresh and made him ache inside. Now that he knew Erestor had sired them, he understood why their passing so profoundly affected the other Elf. “You should never have given in to her. You created a web of lies and deception.”

 

“I know that,” admitted Erestor in a tiny voice, “but I am the only one who was truly hurt. I watched my children die and there was nothing I could to change the situation.”

 

“Arwen and the twins, did they know the truth?” This question and Erestor’s answer was very important to Glorfindel.

 

“Nay, as I said earlier, she made me vow to never tell anyone. It was important to her – and to me – that the truth remained hidden. We wanted Elrond to be their father in every sense of the word.” Erestor slowly rocked back and forth, wishing Glorfindel would take him in those strong arms again, but he also knew he no longer had the right to claim friendship in that way. He had deceived his best friend.

 

Glorfindel slowly rose from the floor and gazed at Erestor thoughtfully. So many emotions were racing through him that he found it hard to think logically. He needed to calm down before properly discussing this with Erestor. “I need a few moments alone.”

 

Erestor nodded once, watched Glorfindel leave and after the door had closed behind the blond, he returned to observing the dancing flames. Had he just lost the only true friend he had ever had? And if he had, wasn’t he to blame for it?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel wandered the grounds for many hours, trying to come to grips with Erestor’s admissions. Never, in all those centuries, had he suspected there was something amiss. Celebrían and Elrond had been loving parents and Erestor and he had been the children’s tutors. Not once had Erestor overstepped any boundaries or created an awkward situation. Only now did Glorfindel realize how hard that must have been on Erestor.

 

Erestor half-Elven; that was another aspect of the story he was trying to come to terms with. He had always thought of Erestor as fully Elven and to find out that was a lie was hard to accept. /Nay, focus on the children first!/ He couldn’t allow his thoughts to stray from one subject to another.

 

Arwen had made her choice and had been rewarded with a long and full life. She had born Estel a son and for some time they had been perfectly happy. Her death had been a price she had willingly paid for her happiness, despite knowing how short it would be compared to Elven standards.

 

/Erestor must have suffered terribly in Minas Tirith, watching her die little by little. That is why he traveled there, to be her support in those last hours. But, hold on, that makes Eldarion Erestor’s grandson! Not Elrond’s!/ Feeling dizzy, he rested his hand against the trunk of an ancient oak tree in order to steady himself. /That is one thing I can point out to Erestor when he says he has nothing left to live for. He has a grandson!/

 

But the twins… Why had they chosen mortality? Had they found out the truth and had they felt ashamed of it? But Erestor had assured him that the twins never knew. /I need to ask Erestor the next time we speak./ The twins’ choices had been tragic ones. There had been no apparent reason for them to choose death. Their demise had been so unnecessary. Their beauty should have been preserved for all eternity in Aman. /And they were Erestor’s sons, not Elrond’s. What were the odds of Celebrían giving birth to twins? Elrond never suspected a thing./

 

Sliding down the tree trunk he came to sit in the white snow, but the cold didn’t bother the Elf and he dragged his fingers through the first, fresh layer of snow. /Erestor lost his children – all three of them. And whilst I was busy caring for Elrond who was shaken after learning of their choices, I was too blind to see Erestor was hurting that profoundly. But then again, we were all hurting./

 

Could he forgive Erestor for giving in to Celebrían? Oh, he knew Galadriel’s daughter well enough to realize she always got what she wanted, but Erestor could have said no. /But then he would have had to live with the knowledge that she would remain barren for the rest of her life. And he wanted them to have children and to be happy. By the Grace of the Valar, what would I have done, had she come to me in tears and begging?/

 

Glorfindel lost track of time as he sat there, sheltered by the branches of the old tree and watched the snow float toward the earth, his mind still spinning.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Night passed by quickly and Arien had already announced her glorious ascent when Glorfindel finally stirred. He had finally come to the conclusion that he needed to talk to Erestor. There were still some questions, which demanded answers. After rising from the cold earth, he brushed the dusting of snow from his tunic and headed back to the main building to question Erestor further.

 

A part of him felt guilty for having abandoned the half-Elf last night, which must have been a tormenting night for Erestor. He should have been there to support him; after all, Erestor had just lost his sons. /And I ran out on him! I am a poor excuse for a friend!/

 

In order to enter the main building he had to pass by the courtyard, which he would have preferred not to, as the ashes there reminded him of the loss they had suffered. But when he arrived there, his breathing paused momentarily, seeing Erestor kneeling in front of the remains of the fire, thickly covered by snow. Drawing in a deep breath, he headed for the huddled form. He sat on his heels next to Erestor and began to remove most of the snow. /What if he already made the decision to become mortal? Oh, sweet Valar, please do not listen to him! He is overwhelmed by grief and does not know what he is doing!/

 

Erestor didn’t stir and Glorfindel studied the sunken eyes, realizing his friend’s mind wasn’t there with him, but in the past, probably remembering happier times. “You need to be inside, Erestor, not out here in the cold.” Still Erestor didn’t answer and Glorfindel now opted for action, easily picking the frail half-Elf up and carrying him into the safety of the house.

 

Glorfindel watched Erestor with mounting concern, finding the dark eyes empty and staring blankly. Erestor’s head lolled toward him and came to rest against his chest. He hissed, realizing Erestor felt cold beneath his fingers. Quickening his pace, he carried Erestor back into his bedroom and placed the entranced half-Elf on the bed. His first thought was to tuck Erestor safely and warmly beneath some blankets, but the snow had found a way into the fabric and onto the skin. The only thing that would warm Erestor properly was a hot bath.

 

Intent on acting quickly, Glorfindel entered the bathroom and let the sunken pool in the floor fill with warm water. Then he returned to Erestor, who hadn’t moved during his absence, and he made quick work of disrobing him. Once Erestor was naked, he carried his charge into the bathroom and placed him in the warm water. “Damn it!” Glorfindel cursed, finding Erestor lacked the strength to remain seated upright. He shed his clothes as well and swiftly joined Erestor, wrapping his arms around him. Using a cup, he poured warm water onto Erestor’s head, trying to remove the icicles that had formed in the raven hair. Slowly, the half-Elf in his arms began to grow warm again. “Why did you do that? Why did you go outside?”

 

Erestor finally stirred and the chocolate brown eyes managed to focus on Glorfindel. “I wanted… to be… close… to them.”

 

“They are dead, Erestor. There is nothing you can do to bring them back.” It sounded harsh, but it was the truth and he couldn’t allow Erestor to flee into a world of fantasy.

 

“I should… have talked… to them…” Erestor shivered, violently.

 

Glorfindel pulled him even closer, tightening his hold on the dark-haired half-Elf. “What could you have said that would have changed their minds?”

 

“They… should never… have chosen mortality…” Erestor sagged against Glorfindel in surrender and allowed the blond to hold and support him through this hopefully last admission.

 

“Why did they choose mortality? I found myself wondering about that earlier.” Had the twins found out the identity of their true sire?

 

“They blamed themselves… for their mother’s injuries…” Erestor gripped Glorfindel tightly and clung to the blond, needing his support. “They survived, you see…. Their mother was broken… body and soul… They never forgave themselves for coming to her aid too late… Survivor’s guilt… They felt like they had failed her…”

 

Glorfindel sucked his breath in sharply. “They never found out that you had fathered them?”

 

“Nay.” Erestor now rested his head against Glorfindel’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “I wanted to tell them toward the end… I wanted to hold them… I wanted to call them my sons just once… I wanted them to call me father… But I never told them.”

 

“That must have been hard on you.” Glorfindel stroked the dark hair, relieved to feel Erestor’s skin tingle with warmth beneath his fingertips once more.

 

“I tried to tell them that Celebrían’s injuries were not their fault… but they never listened. They could be so stubborn.”

 

“I always thought they inherited that from Elrond,” said Glorfindel, musing aloud, “but you are more stubborn than Elrond could ever be.”

 

“Was that a compliment?” Erestor smiled against Glorfindel’s chest. “This feels nice.”

 

“Aye, it does.” Not thinking his next action through, he simply kissed the crown of Erestor’s head. In spite of Erestor’s painful admissions he still had feelings for the half-Elf. But now he faced a new danger. “Please do not make your choice yet.”

 

Those words caused Erestor to open his eyes. “Why shouldn’t I?”

 

“You still have much to live for,” replied Glorfindel, realizing he really needed to convince Erestor. “There is your grandson for example. Eldarion still needs you.”

 

“Nay, he does not. He is surrounded by the best advisors he can wish for. I saw to that before I left.”

 

“And do they love him?” When Erestor remained silent, Glorfindel knew he had made the half-Elf think – finally! “And what about me? Does my love count for naught?”

 

Erestor laughed, bitterly. “Oh, Glorfindel, I have come to the end of my life! And now you present me with your love?”

 

“Better late than never,” said Glorfindel, chuckling, “But seriously, do not make your choice yet. You are intelligent, Erestor. Think this through. Do not let only your emotions guide you. You are overcome by grief, which is understandable, but do not shove my love for you aside that easily.”

 

Erestor finally raised his eyes and searched Glorfindel’s cobalt ones. “You should never have told me you loved me. This will make seeing you leave for Aman so much harder.”

 

“I won’t sail for quite some time,” said Glorfindel, making up his mind in this matter. “I will stay until you make your choice.”

 

“I already chose mortality, Glorfindel. I should be dead, like my children.”

 

“Do not say such a thing! Do you really think they would want you dead?” Glorfindel stared at Erestor in shock.

 

“I failed them, Glorfindel,” repeated Erestor. “What else can await me besides death?”

 

“Love,” whispered Glorfindel, deciding he ought to risk it all, and leaned in closer to claim Erestor’s lips.

 

The kiss surprised Erestor and he had no other option than to give in. The kiss was tender, but at the same time possessive. Glorfindel was trying to stake his claim. “No more,” he whispered, quickly pulling away from the blond. “Do not tempt me in that way!” Glorfindel had featured in many of his sexual fantasies throughout the millennia, but he had believed himself chanceless and had never allowed his feelings for the blond to blossom into full bloom.

 

“Tempt you?” Glorfindel’s eyes narrowed, thoughtfully. Did that mean Erestor wasn’t as disinterested as he pretended to be? Was there some attraction on his friend’s part? If there was, he still had a chance to win Erestor’s heart! Not wasting more precious seconds, he demanded another kiss – deepened it, and explored the moist cavern with his tongue until Erestor moaned needily. /I was right! He has feelings for me as well!/

 

“Nay!” Erestor managed to break the kiss a second time, knowing only too well that his body’s reaction to the kiss would betray him. He was already growing aroused! Surprising Glorfindel and himself, he succeeded in slipping out of the blond’s embrace and quickly left the pool. He grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist and fled the bathroom.

 

Glorfindel didn’t follow. On the contrary, he stretched lazily, enjoying the warm water enveloping him. Erestor could run, but not hide. Now that he knew that Erestor returned his feelings he was determined to win the half-Elf’s heart.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Sweet Elbereth, how can he do this to me?” Erestor had run into the Hall of Fire, which no longer lived up to its name. The fireplace was cold, the curtains moved in the mounting storm and angry lighting split the dark sky in two. He pulled one of the heavy curtains down and caught it before it tumbled onto the floor. Finally able to drop the towel he wrapped the heavy fabric around his form instead. It dragged him down and he followed willingly, kneeling on the cold floor and staring at the approaching thunderstorm. It had the potential to turn ugly and he should help Glorfindel securing the Last Homely House, but couldn’t bring himself to move.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel cursed loudly as the first strike of thunder and lightning exploded above the Last Homely House. He left the pool, dressed within minutes and then ran down the corridor to make certain the horses were in no danger. Next, he secured all doors and shutters, glaring at the sinister and gloomy clouds hanging above the valley. Where was Elrond and his ring of power when he needed them? But Vilya had lost all power after Sauron’s defeat. /And where is Erestor? Damn it!/ He prayed that Erestor hadn’t ventured outside again. Finding the somber half-Elf in this weather could turn hazardous.

 

Movement in the deserted Hall of Fire caught his attention and he sighed, relieved, at seeing Erestor appear in front of the window. At least now he knew where to find the elusive half-Elf. He spent a few more minutes checking the stables and was about to head for the Hall of Fire when a hypnotic singing voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

 

It was Erestor – son of Lúthien, who had once warmed Námo’s heart in song. And now, the haunting beauty of such a voice graced Arda with song again.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the Halls of Waiting, Námo stirred in recognition. One had sung to him before in a similar voice – had sung of loss and love. Growing curious, he rose from his chair and looked toward the East. Casting his mind forth, he sought out the owner of this beautiful voice.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Painting by Suse, thanks!

The heavy fabric of the curtain pooled gracelessly around Erestor’s feet. His fingers no longer possessed the strength to hold on and had let it slip. He was naked now and ventured onto the balcony and into the storm. Lighting illuminated the sky above him and thunder threatened to drown out his voice, but Erestor didn’t falter and poured his loss, lost love, regret and pain into song, never intending to reach out to Námo, but doing so anyway.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel succeeded in breaking the spell Erestor’s voice had woven around him and moved toward the Hall of Fire. There was such emotion and hurt in the half-Elf’s voice that it caused him to shed tears, wanting nothing more than to support Erestor and to convince the half-Elf to share his pain.

 

Stepping onto the balcony he froze in admiration and bowed his head in surrender. Did Erestor even know what he was doing? Judging by the clouded expression in the swimming eyes, the half-Elf didn’t. He sucked in his breath, involuntarily, finding he wasn’t the only one staring at Erestor in rapture. A spirit had manifested behind Erestor, a spirit he knew well – it was Námo, Doomsman of the Valar.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor became the song and his essence mingled with the music, the words, and the melody. He lost himself in a world he had never known before, but one Melian had hinted at would be his as it had been his mother’s as well. Dior hadn’t inherited Lúthien’s enchanting voice, but Melian had insisted he had. Until now, he’d had no reason to put those words to the test, but his anguish demanded a way out, and the song came forth from his very soul.

 

He sang of Arwen, and his love for his daughter – a love which he had never been able to declare properly. He sang of the twins, Elrohir and Elladan, their beauty and their wisdom. But mostly he sang of their suffering, their ill-fated choices and his longing to have his children at his side once more. Then, he sang of Glorfindel. Of the love his friend bore him, which he couldn’t accept as he didn’t deserve such happiness when his life was about to come to an end.

 

In the end, he collapsed in a heap and remained kneeling on the floor. His essence spent, his will broken, his strength finally deserting him, he sat there and waited for the end. Waited for Námo to accept his choice. But was the Vala actually listening?

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Surprised, Glorfindel stared at the single tear that left Námo’s right eye. Erestor’s song had moved the Doomsman of the Valar, much like Lúthien’s had in the past. The enchanting voice had brought Námo here and he wondered what the Vala would do next. Erestor had threatened he would make his choice and choose mortality. Was Námo here to accept and finalize that choice? Nay, he wouldn’t allow that!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Námo, however, ignored Glorfindel and advanced on Erestor. The tear he had shed sat on his face like liquid mithril. “Rise, Erestor,” he commanded, firmly. The son of Lúthien rose before him, trembling to the core of his being and Námo wondered what it was about mother and son that managed to touch him so profoundly. “You called me here. Why?”

 

“I did not call you…” Erestor’s eyes widened with fright, finally understanding who he was facing. “My Lord, I…” Stunned, he stared at the Vala, who now gently removed the mithril tear from his cheek, offering it to him. Erestor was unable to move and simply lowered his eyes. “I regret disturbing you.”

 

“Child of Lúthien, do not lower your eyes when you stand in front of me.” Námo’s gaze briefly traveled from Erestor to Glorfindel and then moved back again. “You need not bring protection. I mean you no harm.”

 

“Protection?” Erestor looked over his shoulder and his trembling lessened at finding Glorfindel standing there. The blond quickly stepped up to him and wrapped an arm around his waist, which Erestor allowed. “I did not call Glorfindel here, my Lord.”

 

Námo recognized the truth in those words and nodded once. “Then tell me why you called me here.” Although he had heard Erestor’s heart’s desire in the song, he wanted the half-Elf to voice them.

 

Glorfindel’s hold on him tightened unexpectedly and soft fingertips soothingly caressed his back – his naked back! Erestor blushed.

 

“Erestor? What do you want from me?” Námo took a step toward the son of Lúthien and immediately noticed Glorfindel’s stance becoming more possessive. The warrior was definitely on his guard.

 

“I want you to hear my choice,” Erestor said eventually, his knees almost giving way beneath him. “I want to become mor--”

 

“Nay!” Glorfindel quickly placed a hand over Erestor’s mouth, so the half-Elf couldn’t continue. “Do not listen to him, my Lord!”

 

Erestor glared at Glorfindel and shook off the offending hand. “What do you think you are doing?”

 

“My Lord,” said Glorfindel, addressing the Doomsman of the Valar, “I love him! I do not want to lose him! Death has claimed so many! I do not want Erestor to join the ranks of the dead!”

 

Erestor grew thoughtful, seeing the emotional pain in Glorfindel’s eyes. “Why won’t you understand? I cannot choose immortality. My suffering would never end.”

 

Námo had listened closely and now studied the mithril tear he had shed. “You would choose mortality, then? Certain death?”

 

One of Glorfindel’s fingertips moved against Erestor’s lower lip and his eyes beseeched the dark-haired one not to choose death over him. “I have so much to give, Erestor.”

 

“I cannot accept your offer,” said Erestor, saddened.

 

“Explain to me why you cannot accept his love, Erestor,” said Námo, thoughtfully staring at the half-Elf before him, struck by the tragic fate of all half-Elves.

 

“I failed my children, my Lord.”

 

“In what way?” Námo took another step closer toward Erestor. Glorfindel reacted at once, forcing Erestor to take a step backward so the distance between Vala and half-Elf remained intact. The blond warrior obviously distrusted him. “In what way did you fail Arwen Undomiel?”

 

“I…” Erestor felt lost for words. “I should have… I…” The words didn’t come to him and frustrated, he lifted his eyes and glared at the Vala.

 

“You did not fail your daughter, son of Lúthien. On the contrary, you allowed her to live her life and love the man she chose to be with. She lived a long and fruitful life.” Námo caught Glorfindel’s approving expression, but made certain his own features were neutral when he looked at Erestor again. “How did you fail the twins?”

 

“I should have stopped them from choosing mortality! They did not deserve to die! They were not to blame for their mother’s injuries!” Glorfindel’s arms tightened around him, keeping him in place and he considered struggling free, but he simply lacked the strength to do so. “They were meant for eternity! Not death!”

 

Something in Námo’s eyes burned silver, looking at Erestor. “And now you are eager to repeat their mistake? You said they chose death out of guilt – survivor’s guilt, if I understand correctly. And what are you about to do?”

 

Erestor shivered violently, his eyes widened impossibly and he sagged against Glorfindel, who easily caught him. Glorfindel lifted Erestor, who had fainted, and cradled the unconscious Elf against his chest. His eyes searched Námo’s for answers. “Did you…?”

 

Námo shook his head. “I refuse to accept his choice at this point. I gave him something to think about. The rest is up to you, Glorfindel of Gondolin. You fought many battles and bested many foes, but now you need to find a way to convince Erestor to choose life. That might be your hardest and most difficult battle yet.”

 

The Vala reached out, took hold of Erestor’s right hand and placed the mithril tear in the half-Elf’s palm. “Lúthien’s song moved me, and so did his. I heard the silent plea in his song, which he would not voice now. If he chooses immortality and sails for Valinor, I will reward him.” Námo turned to leave, but looked over his shoulder as Glorfindel asked him to wait a little longer. “What is it, Glorfindel?”

 

“The children… Erestor’s children…”

 

“They dwell in my Halls, aye,” confirmed Námo.

 

“But they chose mortality!” How could human souls enter the Halls of Waiting?

 

“They may have chosen mortality, but a part of their fëa remains Elven. Their fëar always find a way to my Halls.”

 

“And you will take care of them?

 

“I will…” promised Námo, whose form began to fade. “You only have this one chance, Glorfindel, my old friend. Make him see your love for him. Make him see he still has a reason to remain with the living – with the Firstborn.”

 

“I will,” vowed Glorfindel in earnest. “I will make him see.” Now that the Vala had left, he turned and headed for his rooms so he could properly look after his precious charge.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bewildered, Erestor stared at the single mithril pearl that balanced precariously in the palm of his hand. He had regained awareness only a few minutes ago and still felt dazed from his confrontation with Námo. “He refused me.”

 

Glorfindel, who had been busy pouring hot, herbal tea, now took a cup of the brew to the bed, where he sat down beside Erestor. The half-Elf had wrapped himself in the sheet and had seemed distant, but now he appeared to be returning to the present. “Drink this – slowly.”

 

Erestor reached for the cup, wrapped his fingers around it, and continued to stare at the Vala’s tear. “Why did he give me this?”

 

Glorfindel remained quiet, realizing Erestor needed to do a lot of thinking. “Sip, Erestor.”

 

Erestor complied, sipped, and then coughed as the warm liquid moved down his throat. He cast a thankful look at Glorfindel and then sipped again. “This is my favorite.”

 

Glorfindel nodded once, having recalled Erestor spiked his favorite cinnamon tea with a drop of miruvor. “Drink some more.”

 

Erestor returned to staring at the tear. “You heard what he said?”

 

“I heard every word he said,” confirmed Glorfindel, not pushing Erestor into talking at all. He wanted the half-Elf to open up to him when Erestor felt he was ready to take that step.

 

“Do you think there is truth to his words?” Erestor placed the mithril tear in his lap, sipped his tea and searched Glorfindel’s inviting eyes. “That I am repeating my sons’ mistakes?”

 

“What mistake?” Glorfindel was determined to make Erestor say the words.

 

“That I am… That I am acting out of guilt? Survivor’s guilt?” Erestor lowered his eyes and stared into the cup of swirling liquid.

 

“I think those words are true, aye,” confirmed Glorfindel, distinctively noticing the flinch that moved through Erestor’s body.

 

“I never thought of it in that way.” Erestor emptied the cup, placed it aside and picked the mithril tear up once more. This time, he presented it to Glorfindel. “Will you keep this safe for me?”

 

“Why?” Glorfindel accepted the mithril tear and slipped it into one his pockets.

 

“I am not wearing any clothes,” said Erestor with a hint of hesitant teasing in his voice. A shy smile surfaced on his face and he blushed weakly. “Do you still love me?” Uncertain, his gaze shifted away from Glorfindel; he was nervous to find out if the answer had changed.

 

“I still love you, Erestor, even in spite of your incredible stubbornness.” In order to prove his words, he bestowed a gentle kiss onto Erestor’s trembling lips. “There is no reason for you to doubt me.”

 

Erestor raised his right hand to touch his lips, which had just been kissed so tenderly. “I am scared, Glorfindel.”

 

Glorfindel nodded in sympathy. “What are you afraid of?”

 

“Of making the wrong decision. Námo made me think.” Erestor was no longer so certain he should choose death over Glorfindel.

 

“Then I owe him my everlasting gratitude,” whispered Glorfindel, moving closer. “He told me your children dwell in his Halls and that he will care for them.” Erestor’s eyes widened and Glorfindel immediately soothed him. “I have walked his Halls and I can assure you that they know no pain there, only peace of mind.”

 

“But how is that possible?”

 

“He explained to me that although they chose mortality, part of their soul always remains Elven.” Glorfindel cunningly wrapped an arm around Erestor’s waist without the dazed Elf actually noticing and pulled him close. The scent of rain still lingered in the raven hair and the soft, alabaster skin came alive beneath his touch. “So, even if you choose mortality your soul will go there.”

 

Erestor quavered in Glorfindel’s arms. “I still think I failed my sons.”

 

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow. “And Arwen?”

 

“Love motivated her choice, not guilt as with the twins. I might be able to accept her decision.”

 

“But not the twins’?”

 

“They should have lived, Glorfindel. They carried no blame – no guilt.” Erestor let himself fall emotionally, counting on Glorfindel to catch him and ground him. “Watching them grow old hurt! Seeing them shuffle through the corridors, almost blind, tore me apart. I would have given my own life if that would have restored immortality to them! I was forced to watch their hair turn gray and then white… Their once sparkling gray eyes became white and blind with old age! They needed us to support them if they wanted to go into the next room! They… They broke my heart!” Sobbing hysterically, he rocked against Glorfindel.

 

Glorfindel did his best to lead them through this emotional storm and rocked Erestor slowly. Stroking the long, raven hair, he whispered, “And you were there for them. You supported and loved them. You respected their choices. You were the best father they could wish for.” But his words – meant to soothe – had the opposite effect and made Erestor cry even more bitterly.

 

“A good father would have stopped them from choosing mortality!”

 

“Elrond could not change their minds either,” said Glorfindel. “And now I face the same problem. I cannot change your mind either. If you choose mortality you will leave me behind like the twins left us.” Red-rimmed eyes lifted and met his. “I will suffer like you are suffering now, Erestor. I will ask myself the same question; why could I not change your mind? Why did I fail? And I do not have the option of choosing a mortal death. I will take this pain with me to Aman.” Glorfindel paused, dramatically. “That is, if I do not fade from grief over you, Erestor.”

 

“Nay! You cannot fade!” Erestor shivered in Glorfindel’s arms, stopped rocking and wrapped his arms around the blond. “You cannot fade, do you hear me?”

 

“There is only one person who can ensure that won’t happen, and that is you, Erestor.”

 

Erestor stared at Glorfindel for long moments, but then broke eye-contact. “I feel lost.”

 

“Lost is good, for it will make you think this over.” Glorfindel felt encouraged, now that Erestor was actively returning the embrace. “Why don’t you rest for a while?” In the distance the thunderstorm still raged, but the Last Homely House was safe for now.

 

“Will you stay with me?” Erestor rested his head wearily against Glorfindel’s shoulder.

 

“I will stay with you forever, if you desire so,” promised Glorfindel, reclining on the bed and taking Erestor down with him. “Rest, my love, sleep.”

 

“Will you guard my dreams?” Erestor made himself comfortable, pressing as close as he possibly could to Glorfindel’s body.

 

“Forever, Erestor.” Glorfindel pressed a chaste kiss on the raven hair and moved Erestor out of his arms to quickly undress. He wanted to feel Erestor’s body against his whilst they slept. Slipping between the sheets, he maneuvered Erestor safely back into his arms again and set to guarding Erestor’s dreams whilst softly humming a lullaby.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It has been many years since you appeared before me with such a request, Námo,” said Manwë, studying the Lord of the House of the Dead. ”You also know I cannot reach such a decision on my own. I need to confer with Eru.”

 

Námo bowed his head in respect. “Of course.” His request was bold beyond reason and he didn’t think they would oblige him but he had to try.

 

“I will inform you of our decision when we reach one,” said Manwë, ending their conversation.

 

Námo left, wondering what the outcome of the conversation between Manwë and Eru would be. At least, he had tried.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He must have fallen asleep sometime during the night because when he woke, it was due to Erestor’s kisses, softly deposited onto his face. Glorfindel’s eyes filled with awareness and a beatific smile brightened his features. “Mind you, I am not complaining, but why are you kissing me?” In Erestor’s eyes swirled too many emotions for Glorfindel to label, so he just leaned back and let the half-Elf do whatever Erestor desired.

 

“You are certain you do not mind?” Erestor crept closer on all fours, his long hair obscuring parts of his face and body.

 

“I do not mind one bit. It is just that I did not expect to wake up with you kissing me. Which, is a very nice way to wake up, I might add … And why did you stop?”

 

Erestor smiled, timidly. “I desired to kiss you, so I did.”

 

“So, tell me, do you desire to do other things to me as well?” Glorfindel’s heart thumped madly, and his groin tightened in sensual anticipation. Erestor’s feline way of moving caused his organ to grow hard with need, but he restrained himself and didn’t pull Erestor close. The half-Elf had to come to him out of free will.

 

“Maybe,” hinted Erestor in a seductive tone, “maybe not.”

 

“Oh, have mercy on me!” Glorfindel involuntarily sucked in his breath, feeling Erestor straddling his hips. Finally giving himself permission to react, he ran his hands down Erestor’s chest until they came to rest on the narrow hips.

 

“I… thought… you wanted me,” stuttered Erestor, uncertainty suddenly shining from his hooded eyes.

 

“I do,” said Glorfindel, quickly reassuring Erestor who seemed more insecure than he had thought. “But do you not think we are moving too fast?”

 

Erestor let his hair fall in front of his face and hid behind it. “If you knew you would only get one chance to make love to me, would you?”

 

Glorfindel’s heart missed a beat. “Please, do not tell me you…” But Erestor placed a finger against his lips, keeping him from talking.

 

“I am… leaning… toward… immortality, but… I still doubt myself,” Erestor tucked raven strands of hair behind his right ear, allowing Glorfindel to see his vulnerability. “I do not want my choice to be motivated by guilt, but by love.”

 

Glorfindel swallowed hard and kissed the finger that kept him from talking. It slipped from his lips, giving him back his freedom to speak. “I would make love to you if I knew I would only get that chance once.” Erestor smiled, pleased for some reason, which Glorfindel didn’t understand. “But I would prefer to make love to you for the rest of our lives. Do you not think your children would want you to be happy?”

 

“I honestly do not know,” said Erestor, lost.

 

“Would Arwen want you to be happy? And to be alive?”

 

“Probably,” admitted Erestor in a choked voice.

 

“And the twins? They loved you, did they not?”

 

“They loved you too,” pointed Erestor out to Glorfindel.

 

“And they wanted me to be happy. They wanted their mother, Elrond and you to be happy. How can you deny them?” Glorfindel raised his hands and rested them on either side of Erestor’s head, keeping the half-Elf’s gaze fixated on him. “Námo was right to deny you. You need to make that choice out of love, not out of guilt. Don’t repeat past mistakes, Erestor. Choose to be happy. You have seen much misery and you have felt unspeakable pain… Do not deny yourself this chance to be happy for once.”

 

Erestor’s eyes filled with tears, which slowly dripped from his cheeks. “I want that. I want to be happy, but I cannot forget their suffering.”

 

“Erestor!” Glorfindel unexpectedly sat upright and wrapped his arms firmly around the narrow waist, holding Erestor prisoner. “They smiled in death. They found their peace!”

 

The emotional dam broke and Erestor pressed close against Glorfindel, weeping hot tears of loss, but then his lips claimed the blond’s and he possessed them, thoroughly.

 

Taken aback by the fierce need that Erestor radiated, Glorfindel eased them back onto the bed again, allowing the half-Elf to remain atop and to straddle him. Instinctively feeling what Erestor needed most, he returned the deep, brutal kisses and parted his legs in invitation. In the past, he had sought comfort in the arms of a fellow warrior after witnessing death and destruction, so he understood Erestor’s needs perfectly.

 

Erestor’s big eyes asked so much and Glorfindel was more than willing to give all that, and more. Burying one hand in the raven mane, he coaxed Erestor into settling down between his parted legs. He reached for the oil, which he kept in the nightstand to untangle his hair after he had washed it, and single-handedly removed the stopper.

 

Erestor hungrily attacked the already bruised lips and suckled the tender flesh between his teeth. Humping Glorfindel’s lower body, he surrendered to this sensation, this insane need that ran through his body. Suddenly, oily fingers wrapped themselves around his erection and he thrust into the fist.

 

Glorfindel knew their lovemaking would be hard and fast and drew in a deep breath. He had envisioned their first time together in his dreams, but never had their coupling been so frantic, so overwhelming. Erestor moved wildly above him; the half-Elf had lost control and rubbed his lower body against him, whilst those big eyes pleaded to give him what he desperately needed. “I will, my love,” vowed Glorfindel, carefully manhandling Erestor until the half-Elf was correctly positioned at his entrance. Slowly, he guided Erestor inside, taking in as much as he could – unprepared as he was.

 

Overwhelmed by the tight glove that now gripped him, Erestor’s eyes widened with realization. Looking at the place where their bodies were now joined, he looked helplessly at Glorfindel.

 

Glorfindel experimentally arched his back and then thrust back, causing Erestor to moan throatily. “Thrust, my love. Have me. Make me yours.”

 

Erestor reacted instinctively and thrust at Glorfindel’s request. The warrior’s long and strong legs wrapped themselves around his waist, driving him in even deeper. “Oh…” Tears spilled from his eyes and Erestor felt at peace and complete for the very first time in his long life. Sanity returned to him, and he gently claimed Glorfindel, truly making love. His right hand located Glorfindel’s pulsing shaft and he stroked firmly in time with his thrusts.

 

It didn’t take Glorfindel long to reach orgasm. Stars exploded from behind closed eyelids and he quickly opened his eyes, wanting to see Erestor’s expression the moment the half-Elf found release. A startling innocence could be read in Erestor’s brown eyes during his climax and his lover clung to him, whispering words of love and gratitude. Glorfindel reacted by wrapping his arms around Erestor, supporting him when the half-Elf collapsed atop of him, utterly drained, but utterly sated as well.

 

Erestor affectionately rubbed his cheek against Glorfindel’s chest and purred softly.

 

The purring sound made Glorfindel weak in the knees and he was glad he was already lying down. “Pull out slowly,” he said, softly, realizing Erestor needed some guidance. He hadn’t thought he would be Erestor’s first in that way, but during their lovemaking he had finally realized the truth; Erestor had never had a male lover. Had Celebrían been the only one Erestor had ever bedded? There was liquid sensuality in the lithe half-Elf’s body and the glazed over eyes told him Erestor had truly exhausted himself this time. Erestor had already been drained, mentally and physically and making love had actually made the half-Elf fall asleep on top of him. “I love you, Erestor of Imladris,” he whispered softly, rolling them onto their sides. After establishing his hold on Erestor once more, he tucked the sleeping head beneath his chin and joined his lover in sleep.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor felt warm – incredibly warm, sated and at peace – and when he opened his eyes he looked at the source of these feelings – a peacefully sleeping Glorfindel. The blond had invited him into his life and the warrior’s body had received him, making love with him. The mere memory of their intimacy brought tears of bliss to his eyes and he let them flow down his face.

 

Something warm and wet dripped onto his chest and caused Glorfindel to awaken. Looking into Erestor’s swimming eyes, he instantly felt alarmed. “What is wrong?”

 

“Nothing is wrong. Everything is…” whispered Erestor, tightly clinging to Glorfindel. “I think I just fell head over heels in love with you.”

 

Glorfindel smiled, though Erestor couldn’t see that as his lover’s head rested against his shoulder. “I always wanted to hear you say those words and now you have.”

 

Erestor raised his head to look at Glorfindel. “I would have been dead if it had not been for your love… your dedication… devotion even.”

 

Glorfindel finally allowed hope in. “You will choose to belong to the Firstborn?”

 

Erestor swallowed, convulsively. “I cannot bear the thought of losing you now that I found love. Aye, I will choose immortality. May my children forgive me for being so selfish.”

 

“Not selfish, Erestor, not selfish at all.” Glorfindel’s heart beat more calmly, knowing that he had truly claimed his lover for all eternity. But, one question still remained. “Will you sail with me?”

 

“Maybe in time…” Erestor moistened his bruised lips. “I do not know if I can face Elrond and Celebrían.”

 

“There is only one way you can find out.”

 

“But not now, not yet. I need time to mourn my children’s deaths, do you understand that? I need time. I need to find a way to face them when the time comes.” He would follow Glorfindel to Aman now that their love had been revealed and sealed. “But not yet, please.”

 

“Not yet,” said Glorfindel, giving in. “You will decide when the time comes to sail West.”

 

“Thank you,” whispered Erestor in a raw tone. “And would you now hold me tight? Even tighter… Aye, like that.”

 

Words were sparse between them for the rest of that day, as they communicated through touches and kisses, and yet, they had never before felt more comfortable around each other.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A few days later, Glorfindel found Erestor in the old nursery, staring at old baby clothing, toys, and Elladan’s rocking horse. “Why are you here?” He sat down beside Erestor on the floor and claimed his lover’s right hand, which he rubbed between his own hands.

 

“I am trying to make peace with the past,” said Erestor, softly. “I still see Elladan riding his rocking horse and Elrohir giving it a push, making Elladan tumble from it head first. And Arwen, dragging her dolls behind her, heading for her brothers to play with them. It feels like it happened only yesterday.”

 

Glorfindel changed his position until he sat behind Erestor and could wrap his arms and legs around his hurting lover. Gently, he pulled Erestor close and his lover understood, resting his back and head against his chest. “These are happy memories.”

 

“I am afraid to enter the Hall of Fire, you know,” said Erestor, musing aloud. “I can see them, sitting in their favorite chair, limbs entangled and comforting each other. That memory will haunt me forever… The feel of their white hair will never leave me alone either; it was brittle and felt like straw. In the end, I lacked the courage to look into their blind eyes.”

 

“Then hang on to the happy memories until you are ready to face the memories that haunt you.” Glorfindel rested his chin on Erestor’s shoulder. “How much longer do you wish to stay here?”

 

“We will leave Imladris shortly,” said Erestor decisively.

 

Surprised, Glorfindel frowned. He had only been inquiring how much longer Erestor wanted to stay in the nursery. “And where will we go?”

 

“Minas Tirith.”

 

Glorfindel nodded in understanding. “You want to say goodbye to Eldarion. Will you tell him the truth? He never knew Elrond, but he does know you. He might like the idea of knowing his grandfather.”

 

“Nay, I won’t tell him,” whispered Erestor, “for if I do I won’t be able to leave for Aman. Then I would want to stay with him until he dies and I cannot put myself through that pain again.”

 

Glorfindel gently caressed Erestor’s face, and when his lover looked at him from over his shoulder, he claimed the half-Elf’s lips in a tender kiss. “We will leave for Minas Tirith shortly.” He would follow Erestor’s lead in this. “And after Minas Tirith?”

 

“Then, we will sail for Aman… where either forgiveness or wrath awaits me.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Glorfindel didn’t comment on the fact that Erestor had packed many of the children’s belongings when they readied themselves for their journey to Minas Tirith. They wouldn’t return to Imladris and this was Erestor’s last chance to collect those items he wanted to take with him to Valinor. Elrohir’s sea turtle was tucked beneath Erestor’s arm and one of Arwen’s dolls peeked out of one of the saddle bags. Glorfindel tucked it away and then walked over to Erestor. “The time has come to leave.”

 

Erestor bit his lower lip in nervousness. “Would you… Would you go into the Hall of Fire with me one last time?”

 

“Are you certain you want to do that?” The memories that haunted Erestor most lingered in that Hall and he didn’t want his lover to suffer more than he already did.

 

“Aye, I am certain.” Trustingly, Erestor extended his hand.

 

Glorfindel took the offered limb and slowly led Erestor back into the building. He stopped when they had reached the doors to the Hall of Fire. “Erestor? Do you really want to do this?”

 

Erestor nodded and pushed the doors open. Silence ruled supreme inside the Hall and only weak rays of sunlight managed to make it past the heavy curtains. In the far corner of the Hall stood the comfortable chair, which the twins had preferred to share during their last days. “I can still see them, Glorfindel.” Tears gathered in the dark eyes. “I still see them.”

 

Glorfindel embraced his lover from behind and slowly closed the doors, so Erestor was no longer confronted with that particular memory. “Remember the happy times we shared here, love.”

 

Erestor wiped away his tears and turned in the embrace, trustingly looking at his lover. “Please take me away from here.”

 

Glorfindel nodded once and guided his lover out of the building. He helped Erestor mount his horse, as the tears still clouded the half-Elf’s sight, and made certain all memorabilia were safely tucked away in their saddle bags. After mounting Asfaloth’s descendent, a young stallion, he steered his horse closer to Erestor’s. “This is goodbye, Erestor.”

 

Erestor looked over his shoulder and took in the Last Homely House for one last time. “Goodbye,” he whispered in a broken voice. “Goodbye, Elladan and Elrohir. May you find peace in death.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Eldarion was surprised to see Glorfindel and Erestor enter the courtyard, as he had thought them long gone. Hadn’t all Elves left for Aman? Excited, he dismissed his advisors and headed for the courtyard to personally welcome his guests. “Erestor! Lord Glorfindel!”

 

Glorfindel loved the way Erestor’s eyes came alive, seeing Eldarion run toward them. He knew that some sort of bond had formed between Eldarion and Erestor at Arwen’s death bed and he smiled, seeing them hug.

 

“Erestor! I thought you had long left!” Eldarion now moved to greet Glorfindel, who he had only met twice before and who he didn’t really know. “My Lord.” The magnificent Elf-Lord smiled warmly at him, and Eldarion happily returned that smile. “You are most welcome here!”

 

“We won’t stay for long,” said Erestor, trying to calm Eldarion by smiling warmly. “We are only here to say goodbye.”

 

“Goodbye?”

 

“We are finally sailing for Aman.” Erestor drank in his grandson’s sight, enjoying seeing the bright eyes and joyful smile.

 

“Let us not discuss this here,” ruled Eldarion, taking Erestor by the arm and leading him inside. Amused, he realized that Glorfindel followed at once, obviously intending not to stray far from Erestor’s side.

 

Once they had made it to Eldarion’s private chambers, he sat them down and offered them wine. “If I had known you would come, I would have prepared for your arrival.”

 

“No need to prepare anything, Eldarion,” said Erestor, exchanging a look with Glorfindel. Seeing the amused grin on the blond’s face he could only wonder what his lover was thinking.

 

/He looks much like you, Erestor,/ thought Glorfindel and then smiled teasingly, raising his goblet to drink to Eldarion’s health.

 

“Glorfindel and I are the last to sail for Valinor, but we could not leave without saying goodbye to you,” started Erestor, memorizing every line Eldarion’s face carried. “We will leave Minas Tirith in the morning.”

 

Eldarion’s features darkened. “I had hoped you would stay longer!”

 

“We cannot linger here,” said Glorfindel, seeing Erestor’s pained expression. “But we will always remember you and carry your memory in our hearts.”

 

Erestor quickly wiped away a tear, hoping his grandson hadn’t noticed. “Glorfindel is right; we cannot stay, Eldarion.”

Eldarion placed his goblet aside and smiled ruefully at Erestor. “I am glad you came to say goodbye to me. You were there for me when I needed you – when my mother died. You helped me accept her death and deal with it.” Slowly, he leaned in closer and bestowed a hug on the surprised half-Elf. “Thank you for that, Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel saw the play of emotions on Erestor’s face when his grandson hugged him and swallowed hard. /Oh, Erestor, he loves you, even without knowing you are his grandfather!/

 

Erestor didn’t want to pull back, but knew the time had come to put some distance between them, or else he would lose his heart all over again and stay with his grandson until Eldarion’s dying day.

 

“Mother wanted you to have something,” said Eldarion, frowning. “I forgot to give it to you the last time we met, so I thank the Valar you are here now.” He rose from his chair and searched the drawers of his desk. “Where is it?”

 

Sensing his lover’s need to have him close, Glorfindel came to stand behind Erestor and placed a hand on the half-Elf shoulder, lending him all the strength Erestor needed.

 

“Ah, here it is.” Triumphantly, Eldarion returned to Erestor. “Open your hand, please.”

 

Erestor complied and his eyes filled with tears. In the palm of his hand rested Arwen’s pendant – the evenstar. The one she had given Estel the day he had left on the quest for the One Ring. “I cannot accept this.”

 

“You must. Mother wanted you to have it and so do I. I think your need to have it close is greater than mine.” Eldarion didn’t know what had made him say that – it had been instinctive. Bowing forward, Eldarion let his instincts guide him and he pressed a chaste kiss on Erestor’s brow. “Be happy in Valinor and remember us – my mother, my father and me.”

 

“I will never forget you,” said Erestor, shaken. “You are my family.”

 

Eldarion smiled warmly, bowed respectfully and left to give Erestor a moment to compose himself.

 

“Glorfindel, I need you,” said Erestor in a strained voice.

 

Glorfindel moved in front of Erestor, pulled his lover to his feet and held him tight until the emotional storm had passed.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Upon his return to his private chambers, Eldarion found them empty, as he had suspected, but not *that* empty. On his bed lay two locks of hair, one golden, the other raven – entwined. Smiling, he picked them up and rubbed the silken hair between his fingertips, thanking Erestor and Glorfindel for this token of their love for him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Are you coming with me?” Glorfindel felt nervous now that the time had come to board the ship that would take them to Aman. He had bought it at the Havens and they would have to maneuver it themselves, but he was confident they would find their way home – to Aman. It was Erestor who truly troubled him. His lover had become pale and withdrawn these last few days and now stood frozen. He walked toward Erestor and gathered his lover’s hands in his, gently guiding the scared half-Elf aboard. He knew why Erestor was this afraid, but didn’t think his lover had a reason to fear Elrond’s reaction. If anything, the twins’ deaths would unite them in mourning.

 

“I am not certain I can do this, Glorfindel.” But contrary to his words, he allowed his lover to guide him to the bow.

 

“Why don’t you stay here whilst I ready the ship?”

 

Erestor felt numb, but forced himself to follow through. He had promised Glorfindel to sail West and he would keep his word.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Glorfindel, what is that?” Erestor had seated himself on the deck, caressing Arwen’s pendant with his fingertips. It seemed to give him the strength he needed.

 

Glorfindel’s eyes searched the sky and noticed the great white bird circling high above their ship. “That cannot be…” But what if it was Elwing? “Should we follow her?”

 

“What do we have to lose, Glorfindel? Follow her.” They had no way of telling if they were sailing in the right direction. They could be out here on the Sea for years without finding Valinor.

 

Glorfindel sighed, deeply. “We have nothing to lose,” he said, repeating Erestor’s words. They would follow her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor and Glorfindel had stretched out on deck, finding the cabin below too confining. Staring at the dark midnight sky, Glorfindel’s eyes narrowed. “Erestor, do you see that too?”

 

Erestor, who had been slumbering, awoke, feeling groggy. “See what?”

 

“That.”

 

Following the direction Glorfindel was pointing in, Erestor gasped. “The ship Vingilot, steered by Eärendil the mariner… I never saw it that clearly before…” Erestor raised a hand. “It feels like I can touch it.”

 

“We must be getting closer to Valinor, then,” said Glorfindel, joining his lover in staring at the amazing sight.

 

“Do you think Elrond will… That he will be very angry with me?” Erestor swallowed, nervously. “What if he does not want me there?”

 

“Do not fear that much, Erestor. We do not even know if Celebrían told him.”

 

“But we will find out shortly.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Glorfindel?” Shakily, Erestor shook the blond, hoping to wake him. But Glorfindel was a sound sleeper and Erestor had to shake harder, eventually yelling, “Glorfindel!”

 

Glorfindel startled awake and stared into Erestor’s pale face. “What has happened, love?”

 

“We are no longer traveling by Sea…”

 

Glorfindel blinked and tried to make sense of Erestor’s mumbling. Rising from the deck, he looked about and his eyes widened. To his right flew the big, white bird that had guided them for these last days and to their left was the Vingilot. If he looked closely enough he could look Eärendil in the eyes. The mariner was smiling at them. “We are on our way to Valinor! We made it!”

 

Erestor, however, didn’t share his joy and excitement, afraid to face Elrond and Celebrían.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“White shores,” whispered Glorfindel, awed. “Look, Erestor!”

 

Erestor moved behind Glorfindel, wrapped his arms around his lover and peeked at the land. “I do not want to go there.”

 

“That is a tad late,” replied Glorfindel, pulling Erestor in front of him. “Regardless of the way Elrond reacts, you will always have me.”

 

“Thank you.” Erestor shivered and allowed Glorfindel to bury him in a warm hug -- the moment of truth approaching quickly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Finally, they felt solid ground beneath their feet again and Glorfindel was euphoric now that they had made it safely to Valinor. He grabbed hold of Erestor and spun his lover in the air. “We are here!”

 

Erestor chuckled softly, momentarily forgetting his fears. “You are making me dizzy, Glorfindel. Put me down.”

 

“Not yet!” Glorfindel drew Erestor close and kissed him passionately. “I want to live here forever with you at my side.”

 

“You doubtlessly will,” said a deep voice to their right.

 

Erestor’s eyes widened in alarm and he pushed Glorfindel away from him. His worst fear had come true, finding Elrond this close to them. The Elf-Lord wore a light robe of the finest silk in calming brown colors. His hair was loose and the eyes sparkled with life. Quite the change… mused Erestor. His mouth had gone dry and he didn’t know what to do or say. Instinctively he reached for Glorfindel’s hand and almost crushed it with his possessive hold.

 

Glorfindel bore the devastating grip and pulled Erestor close once more. “Elrond! My friend! It is good to see you!”

 

Elrond nodded in agreement. “I knew you were coming and my wife and I are here to welcome you to Valinor.” Seeing Erestor’s fallen expression he smiled reassuringly. “You do not need to fear me, my old friend.”

 

Erestor however, wasn’t convinced and stared nervously at Elrond. “Do you blame me?”

 

Elrond’s eyes briefly showed pain and grief, but then filled again with joy and happiness. “Maybe for a short while, but how can I blame you for making my life so much better? So much happier? You gave me the children I always wanted.” Seeing Erestor’s shocked expression, he added, “Aye, she told me upon my arrival. She did not want to keep any secrets from me and it brought us closer together. We are happy once more, Erestor.” Elrond extended his right hand and Celebrían stepped forth from the trees that had hidden her from view.

 

Erestor trembled in his arms and Glorfindel offered his lover silent support, reassuringly rubbing the half-Elf’s back.

 

“Celebrían, I…” Lost for words, Erestor lowered his eyes, but then he seemed to compose himself and he found the courage to look at them. Seeing them together, holding hands, he sensed they had found love once more and he rejoiced for them, but there was still one bitter duty he had to fulfill. “The twins passed away.”

 

Elrond caught his wife when she swayed. “We suspected as much.” He moistened his lips, suddenly feeling nervous. “Was their passing… peaceful?”

 

“It was…” Erestor clung to Glorfindel for support, praying he wasn’t causing the couple more pain. “Arwen, she… She died after Estel passed away. Eldarion however, has become a fine young man.”

 

“They are all dead then, our children,” said Celebrían with infinite sadness in her voice. “I had hoped our sons would choose the way of the Firstborn.”

 

“They…” Erestor couldn’t say the words, couldn’t add to her pain.

 

“They blamed themselves for your injuries, Celebrían,” said Glorfindel when his lover could no longer continue. “They could not face you again.”

 

Celebrían wept then, and Elrond comforted her, but her tears continued to fall. “I was afraid something like that would happen,” she said. “That is why I lingered in Imladris so long – almost too long.”

 

Erestor and Celebrían moved toward each other, out of their lover’s arms and embraced, trying to offer comfort. Glorfindel and Elrond stood silent, knowing they didn’t feel the same pain the parents did and waited for their lovers to return to their arms. When Celebrían finally returned to Elrond’s arms, the Elf-Lord held her close and then addressed his newly-arrived friends. “Please follow me. You are my guests for now.” Briefly, he wondered if he should mention to them that Manwë wanted a word with them, but then reconsidered. They had time.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor had first unpacked his children’s belongings and now placed them in a corner of the room he shared with Glorfindel. They would move into their own house later, but for now they were Elrond and Celebrían’s guests. Seated on the floor, patting Elrohir’s sea turtle, he was startled, finding Celebrían at his side unexpectedly. At a loss, he simply offered her the stuffed toy.

 

She accepted and sat down beside him, letting her fingertips touch the various toys Erestor had brought. “I heard that our daughter was happy in life,” she started, “but what about our sons?”

 

Erestor's eyes asked her not to make him tell her. “I cannot tell you any lies.”

 

“They were not happy,” realized Celebrían. “But the fact that those Orcs injured me was not their fault. They hurried to the rescue, but arrived too late.”

 

“Remember them as they were,” offered Erestor as advice, “I do so too.”

 

“I was so certain they would choose to belong to the Firstborn!” For the first time, true frustration showed in her voice.

 

“They might have, had it not been for that attack.” Erestor watched her hands pat the stuffed toy, much like he had done minutes ago. “But they are lost to us now. We must accept that.”

 

“I did you a great injustice,” said Celebrían. “I never stopped to consider how their births would affect you. I robbed you of your children.”

 

Erestor placed a hand on top of her hers. “I saw them grow up. I was their teacher and their friend. I never begrudged what Elrond and you had. Though, it would have been nice to be called father just once.”

 

She nodded and squeezed his hand in turn. “Thank you for everything, Erestor.” But deep down in her heart she knew she could never thank Erestor properly for what he had done.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Walk with me, Erestor,” said Elrond, coming upon his former advisor in the gardens. “I wish to talk to you.” The alarmed expression that appeared on Erestor’s face wasn’t lost on Elrond, and he waited patiently for a tense Erestor to join him.

 

Erestor felt edgy now that he was alone with Elrond and he wondered what the Elf-Lord wanted to discuss with him. The children?

 

“I have forgiven you, Erestor, if it is that what worries you,” started Elrond. He stopped walking and Erestor was forced to do the same. “Look me in the eyes, my friend.” But Erestor proved stubborn and Elrond had to lift the other half-Elf’s head by placing a finger beneath the chin. “We are still friends, Erestor.”

 

“I did not think you would forgive me. I betrayed you.”

 

“Nay, you did not.” Elrond smiled, warmly. “You gave me years of happiness at your own expense.”

 

“And I paid for them with bitter tears.” As Elrond’s finger was still below his chin, making him look at the Elf-Lord, Erestor closed his eyes instead.

 

“Tell me.” Elrond moved closer and caressed Erestor’s face, causing the eyes to flutter open in shock. “Tell me of their bitter end.”

 

“Arwen, she…”

 

“I do not mean Arwen. She made her choice, loved and died. I am talking about the twins.”

 

Erestor fought the urge to run from Elrond’s side, but he couldn’t. Elrond wanted to know and he had to tell him. “Their end was bitter. They had grown old and their bodies failed them.”

 

“It happened to Elros as well,” said Elrond, sharing something very personal, “he was blind, could barely walk and looking at him pained me. I only saw him for a few hours, toward his very end, but you, you spent decades at their side.”

 

“So did Glorfindel.”

 

“Aye, but he was not their father.”

 

Erestor momentarily grew quiet, thinking this over. “You are offering me your friendship once more?”

 

“You never lost it,” replied Elrond, who placed an innocent kiss on Erestor’s brow. “I just wanted to make certain you understood that I do not blame you and that I am thankful you stayed with them until the very end.”

 

Erestor carefully moved closer and enfolded Elrond in a hug. Both half-Elves had lost their children and their grief brought them closer together.

 

“Oh, before I forget,” whispered Elrond, “Manwë requests your presence tonight.”

 

“Manwë?” Erestor, shocked, wondered why the mightiest of the Valar wanted to speak with him. “Why?”

 

“I do not know. He did not tell me. But I do know that Námo’s presence was requested as well.”

 

“Námo?” Trembling, Erestor looked Elrond in the eye. “What do they want from me?”

 

“Go to them tonight and you will find out for I do not know, Erestor.”

 

“Did they say if I could take Glorfindel with me?” He really didn’t want to face the Valar alone.

 

“They did not say you could not bring him.” Elrond smiled, warmly. “I do not think they mean you harm, Erestor. They allowed you to find Valinor, did they not? They want you here.”

 

“That does not reassure me,” said Erestor, still tense. “But I do not have a choice… I will face them tonight.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

“No matter what happens, do not leave my side, Glorfindel,” said Erestor, pleadingly. “I need you here with me.”

The blond returned the squeeze Erestor bestowed on his hand and smiled warmly. “I won’t leave your side, I promise.” Glorfindel didn’t want Erestor to know, but he was worried as well. What could the Valar possibly want from Erestor?

 

The large, wooden doors opened and revealed a majestic hall, bathed in radiant light. In the distance, Erestor made out two forms and he recognized the spirit that had denied him years ago. “That is Námo.”

 

“The other one must be Manwë, then.” Glorfindel fought down his own panic and pulled Erestor along, toward the mighty Valar. “My Lords, we are here, as you requested.” Bowing his head respectfully, he wondered what would happen next. He was a warrior and used to anticipating the next move, but he felt lost here.

 

Manwë’s bright emerald eyes took in Erestor’s form. “Erestor, son of Lúthien and Beren, finally you appear in front of me. And you bring your love.”

 

“This is Glorfindel of Gondolin,” said Erestor, politely introducing his lover. He surprised himself, sounding calm and steady. “He is my life.”

 

Námo chuckled softly and his long, ice-colored hair danced against the small of his back. “I reckon you no longer hold it against me that I refused you, Erestor?”

 

“I no longer do, my Lord,” said Erestor in a choked tone. “I regret ever doubting your wisdom, and I thank you for not allowing me to make my choice at such an inopportune moment.”

 

Manwë cocked his head, studying the half-Elf. “Námo told me that you possess a most lovely voice. Will you sing for us?”

 

Erestor’s head whipped back in surprise. “Sing for you?” Was that why he had been summoned here? No, there was something else in Manwë’s eyes that told him there was more to this. “I would be honored, though my voice does not compare to my mother’s.”

 

“I beg to differ,” said Námo, still chuckling as if something amused him. “Sing for us, Erestor.”

 

Glorfindel was equally surprised by the request as Erestor was, but he nodded encouragingly. It was best to humor the Valar.

 

“What do you want me to sing? Is there a certain song you wish to hear?” Erestor’s grip on Glorfindel’s hand tightened.

 

“Sing of your love for Glorfindel,” suggested Manwë, curious to find out if Námo had spoken the truth when he had called Erestor worthy of singing for the Valar.

 

Erestor drew in a deep breath, turned until he faced Glorfindel, and moistened his lips. “My love for you…” Yes, he would sing of his love for Glorfindel, his hero.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You were right, Námo,” said Manwë; Erestor’s voice was truly worthy of echoing in his Halls. “Thank you, Erestor.”

 

Erestor blushed, weakly. “I am honored you found pleasure in my song.”

 

Erestor missed the look that the Valar exchanged, but Glorfindel didn’t. They still hadn’t revealed the real reason why they had requested Erestor’s presence.

 

“Years ago another song drew me close and caused me to travel to Imladris,” began Námo, “and that song was filled with pain and sadness. Do you remember, Erestor?”

 

“How could I forget? I lost my sons and my heart was breaking.”

 

“Has it mended?” inquired Manwë, standing only a few feet away from Erestor so he could study the half-Elf extensively.

 

“Allow me to answer that,” said Glorfindel, softly. Seeing Manwë nod, he continued, “His heart never did. He still bears the scars of their loss.”

 

The Valar exchanged another look; eventually Manwë nodded. “Eru’s will shall be done.”

 

The words utterly confused Erestor, who looked at Glorfindel for help, but the blond shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea either what the Vala was referring to.

 

“Námo, fetch them.” Manwë took a step closer toward Erestor and raised a hand to stroke the silken hair. Whilst Námo left the Halls, Manwë addressed the trembling half-Elf. “Many years ago Námo came to me, requesting I talk to Eru. Much is unclear in his song and I needed to confer with Eru on this matter. A decision was made.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Erestor, feeling intimidated, moved closer to Glorfindel.

 

A sad expression appeared in Manwë’s eyes, seeing Erestor move away from him in distress. “I mean you no harm, son of Lúthien.”

 

“Then please tell me what this is about!” Erestor forced himself to meet the Vala’s eyes. “Why was I summoned?”

 

“Because Eru decided to return them to you.” Manwë saw bewilderment in Erestor’s eyes and wanted to explain, but then the doors opened again and they came running toward them. “Turn around, Erestor, and welcome them in your arms once more.”

 

Erestor complied and turned around, always maintaining his hold on Glorfindel’s hand.

 

“Erestor! Glorfindel!”

 

Oh, those voices! The faces! What sweet madness was this? Elladan and Elrohir came running toward him as they had been in the prime of their life, just before they had chosen mortality. “Please do not play these games with me. My heart…” Erestor never got the chance to end that sentence as two hard, well-trained bodies slammed into him. Arms wrapped around him, lips kissed his brow and searching fingers caressed his face.

 

Glorfindel, who had frozen with surprise, slowly regained his composure. “Elladan? Elrohir? Is that really you?”

 

“Aye, it is them,” replied Námo, calmly. “Eru remade them.”

 

Big, fat tears escaped Erestor’s eyes and he buried them in a possessive hug – his arms long enough to hold them both. “Oh, I thought I would never… It is you! My s…” Oh, he had almost called them sons! But he couldn’t do that. Crying tears of bliss, he held onto the sweet vision, never wanting to let go again.

 

Elladan was the first to slightly pull back so he could make eye contact with Erestor. “We know the truth. We knew it when we came into existence again… father.”

 

Erestor swayed dangerously, but his sons caught him and supported him. Looking at Elladan, he memorized his son’s face in case the vision would desert him again. “I loved you, Elladan… And you, Elrohir. I loved you so much! And watching you die…”

 

“Hush,” said Elrohir quickly. “Do not speak of our deaths when we have just been remade.” Catching sight of Glorfindel, Elrohir gave the blond a radiant smile.

 

Glorfindel was finally jolted into action and joined in the hug, trying to pull as many of them close as possible. “I do not understand…”

 

“Erestor, do you still have the tear I wept when hearing your sad song?” inquired Námo, curiously.

 

Erestor disliked pulling away from his sons, but he had to in order to uncover the necklace he was wearing. Two pendants were attached to it, Arwen’s evenstar and Námo’s mithril tear.

 

“I told you I would reward you if you chose life. I spoke to Manwë and he in turn consulted Eru. It was decided that your sons would return to you, but not your daughter, as she lived her life in full and made her choice out of love. Your sons, however, deserve a second chance.”

 

Speechless, Erestor could only stare at Elrohir and Elladan. He simply couldn’t believe that he had his sons at his side again and that Elladan had called him father.

 

“You may leave now,” said Manwë, smiling broadly. “You have much to discuss.”

 

“Thank you.” Glorfindel’s voice sounded steady and carried through the Halls. “Erestor and I want to thank you, but he is too dazed to…”

 

“I understand,” replied Manwë, “now take them home.”

 

Glorfindel bowed deeply in respect and then guided the three half-Elves out of the Halls.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Erestor collapsed the moment they reached the trees and went down on his knees, sobbing. Glorfindel wanted to comfort his lover, but seeing Elladan and Elrohir’s expression, he stopped himself and nodded once, allowing them to soothe Erestor.

 

The twins knelt at either side of Erestor and held him tightly. “We are sorry, father,” said Elrohir, sincerely, “we are sorry we caused you so much pain. Only now that we have tasted Eru’s love and wisdom do we understand.”

 

“It was so hard,” sobbed Erestor, “watching you slowly die!”

 

Elladan and Elrohir’s eyes swam as well, but they fought back their tears. “Father, we returned to you,” started Elladan. “You should rejoice instead.”

 

“But I still see you – blind, old, white-haired.”

 

“Then look at us now.” Elladan raised Erestor’s head and made his father look at him. “See me!”

 

Erestor slowly calmed down and stopped sobbing as his hands explored his son’s face. “I never made my peace with your deaths.”

 

Elrohir shifted until he was at Elladan’s side so their father could look at both of them. “We love you,” the youngest twin said. “We love you.”

 

“And I love you.” Erestor finally managed a smile and then looked at Glorfindel. “Please, my love, return to my side.”

 

Glorfindel knelt beside Erestor and stroked the raven hair. “Your sons are alive again.”

 

“My sons,” repeated Erestor, feeling oddly giddy.

 

“Aye, we are your sons. And we won’t desert you. We will always dwell here in Valinor with you.” Elrohir and Elladan knew how much pain they had caused and were eager to make amends now that their feelings of guilt were gone.

 

“Oh, I should take you to your mother!” realized Erestor all of a sudden. “She needs to know you are alive!”

 

“We will seek her – and Elrond – out later, but first, we want to be with you.” Elladan affectionately claimed his father’s hand and held on to it, convincing himself that this was real.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Many tears of joy, bliss and gratitude were shed when Celebrían was reunited with her sons. Elrond hugged the twins next, whispering words of love and gratitude.

 

From a small distance, Erestor watched the scene unfold and realized something very important. “Glorfindel, we have found our family.”

 

Glorfindel smiled at his lover and kissed him. “Aye, we are whole again. Whole and complete. The way we are supposed to be.”

 

The end

June 2004


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